Free Life Behind Bars by Linda Tweedie Page A

The system was working.  A cheat would
come past me in the kitchen, go into either the gents or ladies, do a swift
turn around, come past me, get the answer and pass it on as directed. 
Round one full points, round two full points, round three full points, then
things began to go wrong.
    What had I not counted on? 
The cheating bastards were getting pissed!  Cheat number one rolled into
the toilet, met his mate and stood blethering with him about the job they’d
just finished, missed his cue.
    Cheat number two got cheat number
one’s answer.  Then number three came in, joined in number one’s chat; he
missed his cue and got number four’s answer.  And to top it all cheat
number five (Sharon) took so long doing her hair she missed a whole bloody
category.  What a fucking shambles.  Round four, only one point.
    Now I had to re-group them
without drawing attention to the situation.  Round five was general
knowledge and we had to get back on track.  We were in second place to
‘Habeas Corpus’ from the pub across the road; a bunch of toffee-nosed
sods.  I couldn’t wait to wipe the smug smile off their faces.  This
was the last round and I was primed and ready to go.
    Cheat number one came past pissed
and I couldn’t make out what the question was.  So I dashed into the gents
to find out what he’d said.  Oh my God!  Half the male population of
the bar were in there.
    By now cheat number two had
passed by my stance and shouted the question into thin air.  Now I had
numbers one and two to answer and three was looming.  I went as quick as
Google could.  Got the answers, shouted them so loudly that everyone in
the bar who didn’t know, now did.  Suspicions were being raised.
    Cheat number four and team member
number five got into an argument about what question was he answering.  I
was under so much pressure I roared “Australia!” to the team captain of ‘The
Winner Takes All,’ who had just come to get some tomato sauce.  The game
was up.  The plan had failed and we were disqualified.
    “Fuck it.”   I thought.
    If we weren’t the winners, they
were not getting the finger buffet.  So with great aplomb, I removed all
the remaining food and called a halt to the proceedings.
    I have to say had it been anyone
else but these nerds, I would have expected a riot, but, they stamped their
feet, slammed their reference books and slunk off into the night.
     
    At a league meeting we were barred
for life. Who cared?  Our quizzes were much better fun anyway!

PUB QUIZ
    Food & Drink
     
    1. What sort of pastry is used to make profiteroles?
     
    2. What is the national dish of Hungary?
     
    3. Which nut is used to flavour traditional Bakewell Tart?
     
    4. From which country does Rioja wine come?
     
    5. In the dish Beef Wellington, in what is the beef wrapped?
     
    6. What is the main vegetable used to make Borsch?
     
    7. From which part of Ireland does Murphy’s stout originate?
     
    8. What is Bombay Duck?
     
    Geography
     
    1. In which European country is the city of Salzburg?
     
    2. To which EU member state do the islands of Gozo and
Comino belong?
     
    3. Where in Italy can the Ponte Vecchio be found?
     
    4. Into which sea does the River Danube flow?
     
    5. Above which city does Panorama rise?
     
    6. Known in Flemish as “Luik” what is the French name for
this Belgian city?
     
    7. Which European country is denoted by the letters ‘CH’ on
motor vehicles?
     
    8. Which European country was re-unified on 3 rd October 1990?
     
    Music
     
    1. Which singer fronted the pop band Duran Duran?
     
    2. Which pop group had 1960s hits with songs written by
Brian Wilson?
     
    3. From which part of Britain does the pop band Stereophonics
hail?
     
    4. Which pop singer’s career was resurrected after being
featured by comic Peter Kay?
     
    5. Who recorded “Ebony and Ivory” in 1982 with Paul
McCartney?
     
    6. Which eccentric pop singer made his mark with the band
Culture Club?
     
    7. Which pop