Free Under the Same Sun (Stone Trilogy) by Mariam Kobras

her, waiting, but it seemed she couldn’t bring herself to talk to him just yet.
    “You want too much too fast,” he said softly. “Why are you pushing yourself so hard? This friggin’ interview was the worst idea ever. For God’s sake, Naomi. Why?”
    Silently, she shook her head.
    “Darling, why can’t we just take it easy and have some fun, try to find our footing again? Things aren’t what they were before.” his words died at the way she looked at him: exhausted, sad, and defeated.
    “I remember,” Naomi began, her voice so small and broken that Jon wanted her to stop again right away, not take on the terrible task of speaking at all. “I remember how we stood there, backstage, and everyone was there. Russ and Solveigh, Sal, Art and Sue, Joshua…” she broke off again. Her hands knotted tightly in her lap, the fingers white and bony. “Joshua. But he was gone before it happened. He left with Harry and his wife and their kids. They wanted to surf early the next morning.” Tears were pooling in her eyes as she looked up at him. “Jon, just think, if he had been there…”
    “No, don’t even think about that. Don’t go there, Naomi; it didn’t happen! Baby!” He sank down on the carpet beside her and took her hands in his. “Please. Don’t torture yourself like this.”
    “You kissed me,” she went on, undeterred. “You kissed me before going off to that TV interview; and, Jon, I wanted to drown in that kiss.” A ghost of a smile slipped across her face. “In that one instant I thought I finally had it all. You, my life with you, and my Oscar.”
    “Yeah, you really hugged that little guy. Didn’t even let go of him to kiss me, as I recall.” It was a lame attempt at a joke, but it made her press his fingers slightly in acknowledgment.
    “Sean and Sal were with me, and we walked out to the car. Sal asked me something, I don’t remember what it was, and I wanted to reply. Only I never got the chance. That’s all.”
    And it was. As easy as that, he had to admit; it was as easy as that. One bullet for her, the other for her bodyguard. She had been hurt; he had  died, as if someone had taken a red pen and drawn a final line through their lives, ending everything.
“When I woke up in that hospital room and saw you there, saw you crying and looking as old as the hills in your grief, Jon, all I wanted was to go back to those beautiful places I’d been while I was in a coma and forget everything. And then my father came in…”
    “Yes.” Even now, months later, he could feel the cold fury churning in his bowels at that scene.
    “And then I wanted to die for sure. I know I nearly did. I thought I did. For a while, there was only quiet and peace.” Some animation returned to her face. “I was in the loveliest forest, Jon. There was moss under my feet, dark blue ponds like mirrors, and trees…trees like I have never seen in this world. It felt like being on another planet, in a different universe. Someone was with me, walking by my side, someone I knew I could lean on if I faltered, someone who loved me deeply and cared for me; but I could not see him. And I felt safe. I wanted to stay, but he said I couldn’t. It wasn’t a dream; it was more than that. Somehow I knew if I reached that forest’s edge I’d get to a beach, and then I’d be allowed to move onward. Only I couldn’t, even though I wanted to very much. They sent me back.” She fell silent, lost in her thoughts, far away. There was a soft yearning in her eyes, a distance he knew only too well, one that broke his heart over and over again. No matter how hard he tried, he could never completely grasp her; she always seemed to have one foot in a different dimension.
    “But you belong here, with me.” Saying it was like plodding up a steep, stony hill. “You can’t be anywhere else, not even in another room. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know how much I need you?”
    That brought her back. Gently she touched his