Free Forbidden Lessons by Noël Cades

to talk alone in the music building. They were fed up with being cooped up at Michaelmas House, so early on Saturday evening they braved the foul weather and made their way there.  
    The practice rooms were usually occupied at the weekend, but they rightly guessed that even the keenest musicians would be reluctant to go out in the current downpour. All four boarding houses were a long walk away from the music building.
    Inside they had their pick of empty rooms. Laura sat on a piano stool, and Susie pushed some sheet music out of the way and perched on the table, swinging her legs.  
    "Monday then," Susie said. "The big showdown with the handsome Mr Rydell."
    Laura felt embarrassed. "Nothing’s going to happen in front of everyone. He’ll probably just ignore me and try to pretend it never happened."
    "I don’t think he’ll leave it at that. It wouldn’t be safe, just to assume you’d drop it as well. Plus there’s the fact that he likes you strongly enough to have crossed the line in the first place. It’s not like it was just a peck on the lips, it all sounded pretty full on from what you said. I suspect he’s wrestling with his conscience."
    "What would you do?" Laura asked. "I mean if he just says nothing and that’s it. Or says it’s a bad idea."
    "If I were you? If I really liked him, really and truly and utterly, I wouldn’t take no for an answer."
    How did one "not take no for an answer"? What did it even mean?
    "Do you think he’s worried about the age gap?"
    "Undoubtedly. But I shouldn’t let it worry you. Bisnonna was only fourteen when she married my great-grandfather, and he was nearly thirty," Susie told her. "And Juliet, and the Virgin Mary."
    All these examples seemed so remote, lost in time and history. Laura couldn’t feel a connection to them.

    "Dear Diary, I’m so nervous about Monday I feel sick. Susie is the only person I can talk to. I just have to get this over with. I don’t even know what I want. I need to think like Susie, not like me."

12. Making a choice

    Laura could hardly breathe during the next German lesson. She was on edge the entire time, wanting to avoid looking at Mr Rydell but not being able to stop. He had them write out exercises, and spent much of the class marking work. He rarely looked up.
    The lesson went agonisingly slowly. She didn’t know if she was more terrified that he might just try to pretend it never happened, or if he confronted her about it. Would he be angry?
    She studied him at his desk. His eyes were fixed on the books he was correcting, his face set and resolute. Look at me, she willed. Please look at me and give me some kind of sign. At least let me know you don’t hate me.
    Trying to concentrate on her own work was very hard. But she didn’t want to mess it up in case it looked like she was deliberately trying to give him cause to detain her. That was Teresa Hubert’s pathetic trick. Laura wanted him to approach her on his own terms.
    When the bell went everyone else scrambled to leave, since it was break time. She picked up her things more reluctantly.
    "Cathy, Laura, could you both stay behind for a moment."  
    This was it.
    Mr Rydell deliberately didn’t even look at her as he gave the order. Her stomach was churning worse than she could remember.
    He also looked more devastating to her than he ever had before, serious and commanding. His lips were set in a firm line. He also seemed taller than ever, so much older than her. What was she even thinking that he might be seriously interested in someone like her, just a schoolgirl?
    He dealt with Cathy first. She had missed classes through illness, and he was setting her the work she needed to do to catch up. It only took a couple of minutes, and then she scuttled away.
    Now it was just the two of them. Laura was so nervous she felt nauseous. He began. He spoke looking directly at her and yet even though he met her eyes it felt like he was speaking from behind a screen.  
    "I would like to