Free Setting Him Free by Alexandra Marell

knowledge might be dangerous for her. He knew
how ruthless his cronies were. He'd been one of them. They'd
eliminate her without question if they thought she knew too much.
On the other hand, he owed her nothing but the truth. And he found
himself wanting to tell her. Needing to unburden to someone who
would understand without judging him too harshly. Whatever
conclusion she reached, he knew she'd never do that. Not because
she was a soft touch but simply because she seemed to understand
him in a way few ever had.
    Where to start?
    "I told you I enjoyed killing that wasn't strictly
true." How can I explain this? "It wasn't that different
from soldiering. Just something I could do, not exactly
cold-bloodedly, but I always got the job done. Then I slept at
night, no problem. There weren't many who could do that. Most ended
up either dead or in the psycho ward. I always said that would
never happen to me, and I did last longer than most."
    "You couldn't do it any more?"
    She was a good listener. Seemed to know that he
needed to tell this story, even though he could feel the tension
building in her as he spoke.
    "It was more what they started asking me to do.
Because I was so good, I started getting all the shit dumped on me.
The jobs no-one else had the guts for." He rested his chin on the
top of her head. "They don't care about you, Danielle. Just use you
up, and dump when you're finished. Took me a while to learn that
little lesson."
    "So, you refused to do a job? Is this what it's all
about?"
    "Diplomat and his family. Had to make it look like
murder. Government, yours and mine, wanted to start something. Had
it all lined up, too. And then I just couldn't do it. I'd reached
my limit. Christ, one of them was just a kid."
    "That's terrible. They wanted you to kill
children?"
    "You don't know the half of what goes on. Anyway,
that was me basically burned out. I jumped ship, lugging what was
left of my conscience after me, and that made me really
dangerous."
    "But couldn't they get someone else to do it?"
    "Doesn't work that way. I covered my back, made it my
business to know what they were up to. Always made copies of files,
hid them away, just in case. Bloody file, all my back-ups
disappeared, and so did any hope in hell of me living to tell the
tale.
     
    * * * *
     
    Danielle's heart ached for him, even as in her mind
she tried to excuse his past. She couldn't say he was a good man
because he only killed adults or bad people. Killing was killing;
it didn't matter who the victims were. They were all someone's
children, husbands, fathers, mothers, even. She could say that he
was a better man because he wouldn't do it any more, but then he
didn't exactly sound remorseful for his past.
    She prompted him to continue, guessing he hadn't
found many sympathetic ears in the past and certainly not lately.
The best she could do was listen without passing judgement.
    "I'm trying to make sense of all this, Taylor. Trying
to understand." Danielle lifted her head and brushed a soft kiss
onto his cheek. "I'm guessing you wouldn't have survived even if
you'd done the job."
    "You'd be right. I was a valuable asset, but
everyone's expendable. It was too big a job to let me walk away
once I knew about it. Hell, when they hand you something like that,
you know your number's up. That's why I needed the file, to know
who was involved. Figured I could blackmail them into letting me go
start a new life somewhere."
    This time she kissed him on the mouth and tried to
put some passion into it. The way he kissed her back, too
desperate, groping blindly for every crumb of comfort made her
heart ache. Poor guy, so lost.
    Let him finish. He'll feel better for it.
    "Your wife? Where does she come into all this?"
    "Helen? She had no idea what she was taking on when
she married me. Married for six whole months, we were, then she
disappeared. Wasn't hard to track her down, by which time she'd
taken up with an insurance salesman in Argentina. She was
hysterical