Free Star Trek by Christie Golden

two beings who were not really two, but one.
    I understand
, came the response, but not even in words, not anymore. The Bynar and the sentient ship had surpassed such clumsy methods of communication now that they trusted one another. Steeling himself for the fresh wave of pain, 110 relived 111’s death. The emptiness, the aching, the repeated, increasingly frantic queries to a mind that was already gone. Oh, yes, he knew loss such as Friend had experienced.
    Friend’s agony washed through 110, and the Bynar experienced it as if it were his own. He swam upward, drowning in the linkage, long enough to press the button on the tricorder. He forced his eyes open. He would have to watch Jaldark’s logs for the second time. Through the link they had established, Friend would then also see them. He would see, and believe.
    So much information coursing through his brain, along his artificial nerves! Jaldark’s childish face appeared on the screen, saying words that pierced both vessel and Bynar.
    I love sharing things with Friend … I love it when we linkup and I’ve got the whole ship’s sensors at my hands…. Tobe able to experience so many things that, as an organic being,I’d never otherwise know is indescribable. And he is so close to me when we’re joined. I’ve never known anything like it … He’s really sensitive to my happiness. It’s nice to have things like that matter to someone else so much…. I tried to explain to Friend about how great it feels to walk on soft grass in your bare feet, but he didn’t quite get it, I think….
    She was wrong
, came Friend’s thoughts.
Through her, I knew. I knew everything
….
    It was the most amazing sensation, to be linked with him … I just love Friend so much. He’s the most wonderful ship. I’m so glad I’m bonded with him for the rest of my life…. I guess I’m just the luckiest girl in the universe…. Something’s wrong … Friend can sense it, but I’m not telling him any more than I have to in order to maintain function. I don’t know that we’ll make it in time. I hate lying to him like this.
    110 had thought the ship’s pain difficult to deal with, but the raw rage almost stopped his heart.
    Why did she not tell me? There were things I could have done, systems I could have shut down, that would have made us much more efficient!
    She did not wish to burden you with her fears and pain
, 110 replied.
    We were
joined!
I was supposed to share her fears and pain!
    But Jaldark had been a humanoid, and augmented and technologically enhanced as she was, she remained a humanoid. She didn’t understand that Friend would have been more comforted had she confided in him. Perhaps she would have learned this, as she grew older. But perhaps that wisdom might also have made her less compassionate, and she would not have disabled the ship so that it could not self-destruct.
    I think it’s the implants … they’re failing somehow. I can’t get sustenance from Friend anymore…. I have these terrible headaches. And the arm sheathes … whenever we join, I’m in a lot of pain. So, of course, I come up with excuses not to join as often. Friend hasn’t said anything much, but I know his feelings are hurt. He’s the last person—well, thing—I’d ever want to hurt, and I just hate it that this is happening!
    The ship could not form coherent thoughts anymore, but 110 did not need it to. For the first time since 111’s death, he let his own grief surface. In the bonding, they were more than two. Now that she was dead, 110 felt as though he was less than one. She had taken so much of him with her when she died.
    I don’t think I have much longer. The pain is so bad I can hardly stand it. I think I’m going to die. But I can handle that. It’s Friend I’m worried about. He’s supposed to autodestruct if