Free Not Everything Brainless is Dead by Joshua Price

wall, it appeared, had the last laugh.

Chapter 9: There’s a New Sheriff in Town
    After trekking back through the grotesque birthday party of human remains that the police station had fallen to, the little band of misfits found their way back out—again. The quick demolition of walls greatly expedited their journey and allowed them to make a beeline for the entrance. Once outside, Captain Rescue made sure to lock The Rescue Machine securely. If a zombie hijacker somehow stole it, as unlikely as that sounded, he would be devastated.
    The van was right where they left it, and it had not grown legs and walked away, or been carried off to the zombie queen that existed solely for this metaphor. As for the area just surrounding the van, it appeared clear of any unwanted predators, the kind that waited in the shadows to strike for the jugular. No, not tigers. Well, maybe zombie tigers. There was really no telling what dangers awaited the heroes if these zombies somehow made their way into a zoo.
    Before anyone could advise him against it, Boris had made it halfway across the parking lot screaming at the top of his lungs, “Hold on Charlie! I’m comin’ for ya, buddy!”
    His sudden delirium was brought on by the intense affection he felt for his inorganic better half. Boris desperately wanted that suit before Charlie succumbed to the wrath of the zombies, and that wrath, no doubt, would magnify tenfold once the zombies realized just how inedible a plush costume really was. Despite the area appearing clear but a moment ago, zombies had leapt out of the woodwork and were closing as Boris climbed into the van. How were they able to accomplish such a feat, who knew? Maybe mastering the space-time continuum was something zombies did in their spare time, and now they had the ability to teleport at free will. Only they had taken it too far and were warping around all willy-nilly, thanklessly abusing the gift given to them by their creators. This blatant abandonment of the traditional zombie shuffle only brought shame to their ancestors and made a mockery of everything zombies stood for.
    Suddenly, a slew of unearthly howls echoed through the parking lot. Zombies were quite loud when they wanted to be. Dozens of the creatures now fled from the van at full shuffle. It appeared as though something spooked them; odd considering zombies did not technically feel real fear—or at least nobody thought they did. Regardless, something just scattered the zombies worse than a Swine Flu scare at the supermarket. The cause of their scatter was perhaps even more terrifying than the blight known as pigfluenza could ever be. Atop the van stood a big bushy-tailed rabbit over eight feet tall (including ears), and this newfound zombie repellant practically glowed blue. As luck would have it, zombies feared nothing more than oversized blue bunnies named Charlie.
    Interestingly, Boris entered the vehicle no more than fifteen seconds prior. The speed at which he adorned the suit would have made Superman and his favorite telephone booth ripe with envy. The man of steel and his mistress had fostered quite the loving relationship, and to have another costumed crusader suddenly come out of nowhere with a speed change like that would have left them quite perturbed. So much so that the son of Krypton would hang up his cape and turn to a life less frightening—perhaps as an accountant.
    A new sheriff had come to town. His name was Charlie the Bright Blue Bunny Rabbit, and he was fresh out of bubblegum. The undead spread out in every possible direction, their hands flailing high above their heads. As previously learned, the zombies were only just in working condition, and fleeing this quickly caused a great deal of them to lose integrity and, piece by piece, fall to shambles. Zombies had good reason to shuffle wherever they went.
    Charlie, or Boris as he was formerly known, who was formerly known as Cecil DeWitt, signaled to all around that hope remained, and