Free Not Everything Brainless is Dead by Joshua Price Page A

that the time for dismay had not yet come. Ironically, the time for dismay had come. Most of the people with the ability to benefit from this beacon had already been torn apart. Either that, or they jumped from their rooftops in dismay (where they learned ten feet later that they needed to work on their suicide techniques) and then been torn apart. Either way—lots of people, lots of being torn apart. It was safe to say that this beacon of hope had shown up a little late to the party.
    Whenever Boris became Charlie, his personality changed to reflect it. Nobody really knew who Cecil DeWitt really was; Boris was just another of his monikers. His real identity had been long lost under mountains of mental fortifications and a lifetime of role-playing. But, if the man had to choose, Charlie would have certainly been his favorite personality. It probably had something to do with the pointy rabbit ears or the bushy tail. Whatever his reasoning, Charlie was a force to be reckoned with—and the zombies knew it.
    “What are you chumps doin’ standing around? We have a world to save,” the rabbit said without giving anyone the opportunity to explain why it was not every day you saw a bunch of zombies flee from an enormous bunny rabbit. “Let’s get to that bank so we can figure out who’s behind this crap.”
    “Wait one second,” Dr. Malevolent said. “I may not be an expert on furries or zombies, but it sure seemed like they were scared of you.”
    Charlie shrugged. “I’m not exactly surprised. I am a force to be reckoned with.”
    Dr. Malevolent glared at him. “Oh, get over yourself, you’re just crazy—not comfortable in your own skin so you have to put on someone… or something… else’s.”
    The bunny rabbit pointed at the super villain. “If we’re going to psychoanalyze anyone, let’s do you.”
    Charlie looked then to Captain Rescue. “… or you.”
    He glanced at Freight. “Okay, you seem crazy too.”
    Freight, taken aback but the outlandish accusation, threw up his hands.
    Dr. Malevolent shook her head. “Our collective mental illnesses aside, we’re veering off course. Zombies are scared of you. We can exploit this.”
    Freight stepped away from the others. “HOLD ON A SECOND, I’M NOT PUTTING ON ONE OF THOSE COSTUMES. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME.”
    “That won’t be a problem,” the bunny replied. “There’s no place in this city to buy or loot them.”
    “That settles it then,” Dr. Malevolent said. “We have to stick together and you have to lead the way. I guess we’ll just hope the zombies see you first, and don’t find our delectable flesh more appealing.”
    Freight pumped his shotgun. “WELL, IF THAT HAPPENS TO BE THE CASE, I’LL DO MY THING.”
    Dr. Malevolent patted him on the back. “I’m afraid to see what happens if you’re not allowed to do your thing.”
    He stared at the ground. “IT FRIGHTENS ME TOO, DON’T WORRY.”
    “Let’s get crackin’ then. Lead the way Charlie ,” Dr. Malevolent said with a hint of sarcasm. She still planned to torch that blue monstrosity after she exploited it to avoid being eaten.
    Captain Rescue placed his hand upon Charlie’s plush shoulder. “Man, you don’t know how nice it is to have someone else lead these half-wits for once.”
    Under the blue bunny head and unknown to the hero, Charlie just rolled his eyes in return.
    As the newly appointed group leader set off, Freight stared him down, his fingers tightening around his shotgun. Since the age of two, he had crowned himself the badassest of badasses, and he did not take kindly to this new badass coming out of nowhere to usurp his crown right out from under him. Therefore, Freight made a mental note to super glue it to his head. That way, if a thief ever pried his crown from him again, they would discover a ring of unsightly flesh lining the underside. Perhaps that would deter any further dastardly crown thieves.
    After dwelling on Charlie for a few moments, an epiphany hit