Free Sea Air by Jule Meeringa Page A

punishment for my cowardice, but what was the point? I had no idea where to find his boat, I didn’t even know where he was staying, and I sure didn’t know where he’d be going after his vacation was over. We had tiptoed around this question for days, as it had nothing to do with us now. The thought that he had a wife and children at home made me feel truly ill, so I’d done everything possible to ignore reality and pretend our time together would last forever.
    I gave up my whole morning to daydreaming, and of course, all my dreams centered on the nonsailor, Mathis. Every effort I made to distract myself failed. I might as well admit it: I was in love, as I’d been countless times before.
    But this time felt different because Mathis himself was different. When I was with him, even a conversation about the weather couldn’t be boring. For days I’d felt a repeated quickening of my heart and butterflies in my stomach.
    Yes, I was in love. There was no going back. So, now what? My life was complicated enough. I didn’t need to be in love with a married man. And that wasn’t the only problem. I figured he was more than twenty years my senior. Maybe that was part of what drew me: his experience with life, his maturity, and most of all the sense of peace he showed and that I felt when I was with him. I’d never felt as though I was on the same wavelength as a guy before. Mathis was the one person who’d ever made me feel this way. He could be the love of my life . . . if he wasn’t already married to someone else and with kids to boot. A love story without a future was par for the course in my life. I should have listened to my conscience and not my heart. Crap. I wished someone could tell me what to do.
    Sandra! She’d know what I should do. Maybe. But what if she gave me bad advice? Reluctantly, I grabbed my phone. It was time to check in with Paula, anyway. While I was talking to her, I could keep pondering whether I wanted to open up to Sandra about what was going on with me.
    “Nele? I’m so glad you called! We’re sitting right on the Baltic Sea beach, having a picnic. I tell you, I could stay here and . . .”
    “Me, too!” I heard. “Is that Momma?” I heard the sound of the phone being handed off, then Paula’s voice again, more clearly this time.
    “Hi, Momma! It’s so cool here! Anneke says so, too. We’re having the best picnic on the beach. I want to live on the beach, then we can have picnics on it all the time. Have you had a picnic on the beach yet?”
    “Not exactly, but—”
    “I bet it’s really boring where you are.”
    “Oh, I do plenty of fun things, like . . .” I heard more rustling on the other end of the line. “Paula, are you there?”
    “No, it’s me,” Sandra said. “Sorry, my mouth’s full. Are things okay there?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “What do you mean, you don’t know? Are you sick? I thought you’d be enjoying your free time. What’s going on, Nele?”
    “I fell in love,” I admitted.
    “You . . .” Sandra lowered her voice to a whisper. “You fell in love? Wait, I’m taking you into the water right now.” I said a silent word of thanks. Everybody in Rügen didn’t need to know about my love life. Especially not my daughter.
    “Who is he? I mean . . . wow. Falling in love while on vacation? I’ve got to hand it to you. What’s the lucky guy’s name?”
    “Mathis. But I’m not really sure if he feels lucky.”
    “Wait, but you’re happy?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Oh Nele, stop beating around the bush. Is this going to be one of those beautifully romantic but horribly complicated stories that ends with you crashing and burning . . . again ?”
    “It looks like it.”
    “Great. Okay, start at the beginning. What’s the problem this time?”
    “He’s married.”
    “Aren’t they all. Any kids?”
    “Three.”
    “Oh, dear. Now that’s a real problem. And how old is this guy?”
    “Late fifties, I think.”
    Silence.