Free Dear Nobody by Gillian McCain Page A

though; maybe she can hang out with me…

Dear Nobody,
    Geoff and I kind of made-up today. I was the one that called him—I wonder if he feels how I do? I’m sure I love him—in some fucked-up way. I just feel like he can’t really be honest with me. I’m honest with him (for the most part). It’s just so hard not to fuck up. See, I used to get so pissed at him for the little things he did, but now it’s like I spend more time apologizing to HIM. And it’s like he always already knows when I’ve done something stupid, like he’s got fucking sonar or something.
    I know that he and his friends think I’m some crazy, slutty, dirty bitch. But I really don’t care that much because they really are assholes. But I’d give anything to see what Geoff says or does if they talk shit about me. He probably fucking goes right along with them. I don’t know, maybe I deserve it.
    Oh shit, I miss him. I haven’t seen him for a while, and on the phone, I’m always the one talking, and he just plays his music and kinda ignores me. Most times, I’m not even sure he’s listening to me. Maybe he likes me for something besides the person I am? I’m not sure.
    God I love him. It’s just like every once in a while, he’ll say something really brilliant and pretty, and I’ll think of how amazing he is.
    Then he’ll say something really stupid and I’ll think he’s fucking retarded.

Dear Nobody,
    I got my first paycheck and spent most of it partying with Geoff. The rest I lent to him (or his friends). Last night, he didn’t have enough money to get fucked up with because he’d just bought a new car—so I helped him out a little—like I’d been doing ALL WEEK. Then, even after my immense generosity, Geoff asked to borrow MORE money. I told him, no, that I still wanted to hold on to some of my money, but that I would at least give him gas money. THAT wasn’t enough for him. He got a really smart-ass tone with me—and began to raise his voice. It was embarrassing because he was yelling at me in his garage and his folks were home.
    All I wanted was to have a good night.
    So I told him that, but stuck to my decision about not lending him any more money. Well, he flipped the fuck out! I mean BLEW UP! He suddenly screamed at me, “YOU SELFISH, SPOILED LITTLE BITCH!” My jaw dropped. Selfish? SELFISH? I had given him everything he asked for, but just this once, I deny him—and this is the gratitude I get?
    Geoff said he was taking me home. I cried all the way in the car—while he yelled at me. Then I thought, “Fuck sitting here listening to all this bullshit,” about me being a “selfish greedy little bitch” because I wouldn’t give him any more of MY money—that I had worked so hard to earn. I started to yell right back at him (not wanting to lose any more of my pride). Geoff pulled the car over, and told me to get out and walk home. We were miles from my house—at night—and I had no idea where I was, or how to get home.
    So I refused to get out of the car. I buckled my seat belt to emphasize the fact that I would NOT be getting out, until I was safely in my own driveway. Geoff responded with more yelling—FEROCIOUS yelling. Then, being the gentleman he is, he got out of the car, walked over to the passenger side and opened my door screaming, “IF YOU DON’T GET OUT, I’LL GET YOU OUT MYSELF!”
    I clenched my fists at my sides, ready to strike if he so much as touched me. I’ll bet he knew not to touch me—because he didn’t. He just stood there and kept screaming at me. I screamed back, telling him how I had given him virtually everything he had ever asked me for.
    Geoff screamed at me the entire way home. By the time we arrived at my house my hysterical crying matched his screaming. I gave him $2 for gas money for taking me home. We didn’t