Free My Boyfriend is a Monster by J.H. Coates Page A

are people in the city so rude?” Bo asked.
    “You drive like da Ms. Daisy – I honk and yell too.”
    “Ms. Daisy was not driving. She was driven, by a Mr. Morgan Freeman.”
    Louis just rolled his eyes. “Nathan should be on this road coming up.”
    Creeping down the road the truck slowed down to an almost snail like speed. Then an almost full stop . . . until stopped.
    “What da fuck you doing now?”
    “I can see it,” he said pointing to the store with the big sign over top that said ‘Imagination’ up top and a little smaller underneath ‘The Used and Rare Treasures’. “Do we park out front or does he have one of those back entrances?” the massive driver asked.
    “Da only one I know with da back entrance is you.”
    Taken out of the moment Bo’s disappointedly shakes his head. “Really, what is wrong with you?”
    Sitting silently they both stare at each other until Bo finally cracks a smile causing them both to start giggling.
    Trying to spur him on Louis waved his hands in a forward motion. “One way or da odder, you have to push down on da accelerator.”
    “Okay, Okay,” he said and slowly pulled down the street.
    Looking at the front of the store Louis saw that a car was parked up ahead but there was ample room behind it. Bo on the other hand was second guessing himself and not sure if the big truck would fit. “Are you kidding, park da truck in front,” Louis said pointing to the big empty spot in front of them.
    “Might not fit,” he pointed out with anxiety painted all over his face.
    “What you talk about? A 747 could land in dat spot you big Orangutan.”
    “Stop calling me a monkey!” he yelled getting flustered.
    “I didn’t . . . I call you an Orangutan, he da Ape,” Louis said pausing then let out a little quite ape noises (Ooh-Ooh, Eee-Eee).
    Trying not to laugh while being so infuriated the large man asked, “Why you so mean?”
    “Why you so obtuse?” he fired back.
    Gritting his teeth while taking a deep breath causing his nostrils to inflame Bo replied calmly, “I don’t know what that word means . . . but I’m pretty sure it has mean intent, so I’m gonna park this van and kick your ass.”
    Trying to hide his amusement the Cajun pleaded. “I’m sorry Bo-Bo, don’t be angry.”
    “Now shut up while I park the van. You think you can handle shutting up for a minute or two?” he yelled. Cautiously he started to roll into the parking space.
    “Minute or two,” Louis said popping his head out the window to watch them slowly inch forward. “I run home and back before you done.” Popping back into the van he smiled. “You need any-ting from home Big Boy?”
    “You’re not doing a very good job at shutting up,” he said with a fabricated smile.
    “I think you -”
    “I think you need some assistance,” Bo said raising his fist.
    Cowering into the seat Louis just sat quietly looking forward while the van moved slowly forward. Finally he couldn’t take it anymore. “My God Bo-Bo, you dis slow when you make da sweet love to yourself?”
    “That . . .” he started while concentrating on the task at hand, “is private.”
    “Park it like you at da climax part,” Louis said making over exaggerated jerk off actions and ridiculous faces to go with them. “Quick and awkward, oh yes . . . oh yes, yes.”
    “Seriously, what is wrong with you? Did your mama drop you?”
    “YOU,” Louis gasped horrified. “You know she did.”
    Bo began to giggle. “You are a bona fide, certified, idiot.”
    “Big talk for a man who could not even anticipate the right street to turn on,” he said getting in on the giggles. “Do you know what anticipate mean?”
    Suddenly Bo extended his arm and popped Louis right across his face causing him to grab his nose and reel in pain. “OWE, why you do dat?”
    Bo took a deep breath then mockingly explained like a teacher would a third grader. “I an-ti-ci-pated you needed some assistance.”
    “Damn Bo-Bo, dat hurt like Mr.