Free Dust to Dust by Melissa Walker

me.”
    â€œIt’s okay. Grief can do strange things to people,” I say to her. It’s something Thatcher said to me in the Prism, and it’s true. So true that I can’t help but wonder if my little fit of jealousy over Nick just now wasn’t just a piece of me grieving what is clearly the slow fizzling-out of our relationship.
    â€œYou don’t hate me?”
    â€œNo. I don’t think I could hate you if I tried.”
    â€œIs that because you have a newfound appreciation for life and love and some kind of wisdom that makes you not get mad at your best friend who kissed your boyfriend? Because, goodness gracious, Callie, that is generous of you!”
    I want to tell her that I’m not being generous, and another vision of what Reena did to her comes tumbling back to me. Part of me wonders if I should tell Carson, but I should talk to Thatcher first. He said I wasn’t in danger anymore, and I want to believe that means Carson is safe too. Even though I trust him, it’s hard not to worry, now that I’ve fully remembered how powerful Reena and her “friends” really are.
    I swallow hard and attempt a smile. “Carson, a lot of weird things happened while I was in that coma. Let’s add this one to the list.”
    She hugs me tightly.
    â€œThank you for telling me,” I whisper into her hair.
    She pulls back and grins. “I had to. The guilt was eating me alive.”
    â€œSo. You said there were two things . . . ?”
    â€œRight.” She smoothes the comforter under her hands.
    â€œWell, what is it?” I’m truly afraid if the second thing is harder to say than the first.
    â€œI didn’t want to mention it, because Nick was in a really bad place and even drinking a lot during the summer but he’s stopped that and it seems like things are good with you guys now and I just—”
    â€œCarson!” My patience for her rambling is just about gone.
    â€œNick was talking to Holly Whitman a lot while you were . . . away.”
    â€œHolly Whitman? Seriously?”
    She nods, eyes wide, afraid of my reaction.
    Nick and Holly. That’s what I heard in her voice at the movie theater—it wasn’t pity for me; it was sadness that she wasn’t standing in my place. For all I know, she was the person he was texting the whole night, too.
    I feel my jaw clench. Another visceral reaction to someone else being with my boyfriend . But this is different. It’s not about Holly wanting Nick. It’s about Nick wanting to be with Holly. And even though I’ve just remembered that he’d wanted to end things with me before my accident, I think about how supportive, sweet, and kind he’s been to me since I’ve woken up, and now all of our time together seems a bit false and forced. Like it was between us the other night.
    I finger the amber pendant that I haven’t taken off since Nick fastened the clasp for me last week, and I take a deep breath in. I remind myself that when I was in the coma, I was falling for someone else too. I was discovering a whole new part of myself that I didn’t know existed and somehow Thatcher knew was always there. Maybe that’s what Nick was going through with Holly, and if it was, I have no reason to judge him.
    I open my eyes again. “Are they still . . . you know, interested in each other?”
    â€œI don’t think so,” says Carson. “I haven’t seen them together or anything since you woke up. . . .”
    I’ve always known Nick to be a Good Person, and him keeping his distance from Holly is even more evidence of that. Which is whyI should let Nick go, let him be with her or whomever else he might want, even though he’s still one of the most important people in the world to me. But as much as I hate to admit this, there’s a part of my heart that’s acting out of selfishness.
    The person I’ve been