Free Attack of the Mutant Underwear by Tom Birdseye Page A

ended up hitting me. She grinned and I knew she’d done it on purpose. I threw one at her. She ducked it, then nailed me in the shoulder. Anyway, within seconds all the kids in the park were laughing and throwing snowballs at each other. (Except for Jordy, who kept throwing them at himself and yelling, “Oh, got me!” and falling down.) We had a full-scale war on our hands!
    I’m not sure how it ended up with everybody against Tyler and Zach and Amy and me. What I do know, though, is that I’ve never been so glad to have such bad odds. True, our side had to retreat up the hill under a hail of snowball bullets. And I got hit right in the back of the neck and snow went down my jacket. But once we got behind the boulders, we were able to hold off the charge.
    Then I found the bungee cords.
    Yep, two of them under the snow where somebody had dropped them, I guess. In a flash of true brilliance, I whipped off my scarf and knotted each end to a bungee cord and—eureka!—we had a BIG slingshot.
    Tyler held one end of one bungee cord, Zach the other. Amy and I fitted the biggest snowball we could into my scarf and pulled back. The enemy charged. Amy said, “Wait until you see the whites of their eyes!” Zach grinned. “Yeah, then nail ’em! Especially Emerson!” Just as they topped the hill, Amy said, “Fire!” We let go and the huge snowball went flying and hit Emerson right in the chest. Hit him so hard it knocked him back into MC. Who got knocked back into Jordy. Who threw another snowball at himself and said, “Oh, got me!” MC jumped up and said, “Hey, you guys, that was no fair!”
    Amy laughed. “All’s fair in love and war!”
    I said, “Love?”
    By that time Zach and Tyler had a new snow cannonball ready. “Get ’em, you two!” Tyler ordered.
    Did we ever. Amy gave me a high five and said, “Cool slingshot, Cody!”
    After a lunch of hot soup, I got on some dry clothes and met Amy back at the park. Even though the snow was melting, we sledded and sledded until almost dark, just the two of us. I got home with icicle toes and freezing fingers, and Mom had to run a hot bath to get me warmed back up. But you know what? I didn’t care. My toes and fingers might have been cold, but my heart wasn’t. I’m in love with Amy, and I think she loves me!
    Saturday, January 27
    Kitty Whiz came today! Dad couldn’t stop laughing when he saw the plastic training ring that fits on our toilet seat. He thought the dried herbs I sprinkled in there to attract Emma were pretty funny, too. The diploma I’m supposed to give Emma when she graduates from Kitty Whiz College was what really cracked him up, though. He was laughing so hard he had to leave the bathroom.
    Which was fine with me. I had serious work to do. But Emma didn’t seem to be interested, not even when I picked her up and stuck her onto the toilet seat. She ran off and hid. I’ll try again tomorrow.
    Sunday, January 28
    Emma still not with the Kitty Whiz program. Maybe I’ll give her a day of rest and start again on Tuesday. That’ll give me time to read the instruction booklet, too.
    I know, you’re always supposed to read the instructions first. But hey, I figured, what’s so hard about using the toilet?
    I wonder what Amy’s doing tonight. Maybe I should call and we could just talk.
    About what?
    Hmm … there’s a lot to learn about being in love.
    Tuesday, January 30
    Stayed in from recess and helped Amy clean out Ralphster’s TV cage. We took turns holding him while the other one worked. I got to put in the new cedar chips. The old ones smelled yucky, but the new ones smelled good.
    When Amy leaned close to put Ralphster back in his cage, I noticed that she smells good, too. Not perfume kind of good, just Amy good.
    Wednesday, January 31
    Ms. B announced that there will be a talent show in March. It’s open to