Free Attack of the Mutant Underwear by Tom Birdseye

Includes plastic training form that fits over present toilet seat, bag of attractive herbs, instruction booklet, and diploma.”
    Wow! And it’s only $8.99 plus shipping!
    Later, Monday, January 15
    I waited until Mom went to her book club meeting to show Dad the Kitty Whiz website. (I figured he’d be an easier sell.) He had to work really hard not to laugh—his ears got red and he puckered his lips.
    I asked MC if she’d split the cost of the Kitty Whiz with me. She said, “Sure, then I could take Emma to school and she could go potty for show-and-tell!” But she’d already blown all of her money on an Elvis CD.
    I said I’d buy the Kitty Whiz myself then. Dad acted like I was being silly, but finally said, “Okay, if that’s how you want to spend your savings.” He ordered the kit off the Net with his credit card and I paid him right back. The Kitty Whiz Potty Training Kit will be here in a week to ten days. We’ll be rid of that litter box in no time!
    Thursday, January 18
    Birthday party at school—Zach’s. His mom came at the end of the day and gave each of us a cupcake and a choice of pop. I chose Coke, but then my cup got mixed up with Amy’s Dr Pepper and I couldn’t tell which was which.
    Amy said, “Simple!” She thumped each cup on the tabletop. “That’s yours. Coke makes more bubbles. See?”
    And she was right! Cool trick from a cool girl.
    Friday, January 19
    For art we took turns tracing the shadows of each other’s heads onto a big piece of paper. Then we filled our own profile with pictures cut out from magazines. (That’s called a collage, in case you didn’t know.) Ms. B said, “Choose pictures that reveal the inner you—what you think and feel and believe.”
    I didn’t even realize I’d glued a photo of a guy and a girl walking hand in hand on the beach until Emerson saw it and said, “Whoa! You’ve got it bad for Amy, huh?”
    I slapped a picture of a basketball player on top of the boy and girl, and said, “No!”
    Emerson rolled his eyes, then winked at me like we were in on some little secret together.
    We’re not!
    Sunday, January 21
    In church the preacher ended her sermon by asking us to think about how we show someone we love them. MC leaned over and said, “That’s easy: you take them out to eat, but then just stare into their eyes until your food gets cold.” She wagged her finger at me. “And don’t forget her name. And don’t have smelly feet.”
    Wednesday, January 24
    MC came running into my room this morning, shouting, “Snow! Snow!”
    When I looked out the window, there were big flakes coming down in a blur, sticking to everything. We ran and turned on the radio, and—school had been called off!
    It took me a while, but I found the sled in the back of the garage. Dad showed me how to rub candle wax on the runners to make it go faster. I loaded MC on (Mom and Dad said I had to take her with me) and headed for Woodson Park.
    Tyler and Zach were there, and Emerson, and Amy and Jordy. They were already having sled races down the big hill. Most of the kids were sitting up on their sleds. I figured that if I lay down, that would cut wind resistance, which would make me go faster. And if MC lay on my back, that would add extra weight, which would make me go even faster!
    Tyler said, “Sledders to your mark! Get set! Go!”
    We all pushed like crazy. Zoom! We were flying down the hill, the cold air in our faces, whooping at the top of our lungs. MC and I got out to an early lead, and I thought for sure we were going to win. Right at the bottom, though, heavyweight Emerson came flying past us and over the finish line first.
    MC threw a snowball at him. Emerson laughed and threw one back. It missed MC and hit Tyler. Tyler scooped up some snow and flung it at Emerson, but it missed and hit Amy. Amy shot one back that