Free Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery by Amanda A. Allen, Auburn Seal

“ I ’ ll need the outlet for my emotions. ”
    Emily changed the subject now that they were around the corner from their destination. “ Should we just knock on the door. Obviously Deputy Dumbass is at the station, but his wife might be home. ”
    “ No, I want out of this car. It ’ s giving me the creeps. I can feel the damn ghost breathing down my neck. Let ’ s park down the street and walk. If Tia is home, we ’ ll knock. If she isn ’ t, we ’ ll break in. Gabe is already furious. I might as well become an actual criminal. ”
    “ I like it. ”
    They parked the car and walked the short distance. It was cloudy and the wind was blowing. The weather matched the stormy look on Ingrid ’ s face. The cold rain drops felt good on Emily ’ s skin.
    Emily spoke. “ It ’ s super appropriate that it ’ s like end-of-the-world weather out here right now as we begin our life of crime together. ”
    Lightning struck a tree, perfectly timed with the end of her declaration.
    Ingrid nodded. “ Yes. Perfect. I feel like I ’ m made of lightning right now. I kind of hope Tia is home. I need to kick someone around. If she hadn ’ t been available for Sheldon ’ s booty calls every time he came on the island, maybe he would have been able to leave me and Sage Island in the past. But instead she kept luring him back here like the cheating wife-whore cow-dove that she is. This is completely her fault. ”
    “ For sure. We ’ ll make her pay. Pinky swear? ” Emily extended her hand to unnecessarily lock in the promise.
    They locked pinkies and shook on it. “ Swear. ”
    Tia ’ s Prius was not in the driveway. “ Score, ” Emily said. “ Hopefully she's stranded somewhere in her stupid electric car. I mean, don't get me wrong. I ’ m all for saving the planet, but we could use a break. Plus, it ’ s a pea-green color. I mean, honestly, who buys a car that looks like it was inspired by baby diarrhea? ”
    Ingrid grinned. “ She has terrible taste. Obviously. She was hooking up with Sorry Sheldon. Clearly she had no self-respect. I mean, college dingbat me didn ’ t even sleep with Sheldon. ”
    They walked around to the back of the small bungalow to check the back door. “ This is a cute house, Ingrid. I mean, how did someone with such terrible taste pick out such a cute house? ”
    “ Eh, ” Ingrid replied, “ it was cute before she ever moved in. ” She tried the back door, which was unlocked, and let herself in. She faked a gag as soon as she stepped into the kitchen. “ Besides, you spoke to soon. She apparently has a thing for poop-green. ”
    Emily stepped in behind Ingrid and choked. The walls, cabinet, linoleum, and counter top were the same horrific color as Tia ’ s car. This might be the most disgusting thing she’d ever seen. Other than the blown-to-bits body.”
    “ Oh, man. This kitchen is ruined. Ruined. It could have been so cute. Check out those exposed beams and the vintage stove. What the hell was this girl thinking? ”
    Ingrid laughed. “ Maybe she was punishing herself for being an adulteress? ”
    Emily snorted and cackled. “ That might be the funniest thing today. ”
    “ Yeah, not hard with the terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day we ’ ve had so far, ” Ingrid said. And then stifled a sniffle.
    “ So, uh, I ’ m not sure what we are hoping to find here. Chunks of Sheldon ’ s body? ” Emily tried to keep the mood light, but being in this putrid kitchen was giving her an extreme desire to leave immediately.
    Ingrid joked, “ That would be nice. Easy. Maybe in Tia's bed. Maybe she kept his penis for memorabilia? Or Kevin. If Kevin killed him, maybe he kept some sort of trophy to remind his wife that she was his forever? ”
    Emily eyes lit up in evil glee. “ Ew. Well, yeah, except we are the ones that blew the body up. ”
    “ Oh, right. Well, he got shot right? Maybe they shot him here? He? She? ”
    “ I don ’ t know, ” Emily said . “ If Kevin did it,