Free Bay Hideaway by Beth Loughner Page B

person threatening you and that I really had loved you?”
    There was that past tense version of his love declaration again. Judi tensed. “I did what I had to do, Nathan.”
    “Without regard for what I might have to go through, the devastation of losing a wife?” he asked, taking a sip of his drink. He paused, studying her in a way she found disturbing. “I can’t begin to describe to you what that felt like. Do you know what my nights have been—” He stopped midsentence, the last coming out rushed, as if he suddenly realized how transparent he was being. “Finding you alive brings more questions than answers, Judi. It also makes me wonder if my relationship with God isn’t as much of a forgery as yours.”
    “Don’t say that, Nathan,” she pleaded, a fresh sense of urgency coming over her. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be at all. “I’ve learned so much more about God since coming to the island. My faith looked strong before, but it wasn’t. My view of God and my relationship with Him wasn’t right. There was so much I didn’t understand then.” She laid an insistent hand on his arm. “It’s different now! My relationship with Christ has grown to a much deeper level.”
    “But you’re living a lie!” he pronounced, his mouth grimly tight. His scrutiny of her face was calculating, as if he were sizing her up. “You can’t say you have God and blatantly ignore His laws.”
    She protested. “It’s not that black and white.”
    “What’s not so black or white about it? Either you obey His laws or you don’t. How do you justify it?”
    “I don’t,” she answered. “But what could I do? Once I finally understood what it meant to have a real live relationship with God, I was in too deep to back out.” Her grip tightened on his arm. “Can you understand that? What would going back to Pennsylvania do, anyway? It would have put me right back into the hands of the person writing those letters, ruined your career, and crushed our families all over again. There was no turning back once my new life began—not without serious repercussions.”
    “You already have serious repercussions.”
    “I know!”
    “No.” His glance swept over her. “I don’t think you do.”
    “What do you mean?”
    Nathan leaned forward, thoughtfully propping his chin on the ball of his thumb. “I mean… I’m engaged to be married!”

six
    “Engaged!”
    Judi felt her heart stop as she waited for him to say something—anything. Since Nathan’s arrival earlier in the day she had endured one shock after another, but his most recent bombshell moved her world like the shuddering shift of the San Andreas Fault.
    “I guess this is another complication you didn’t foresee,” Nathan exclaimed, his words as sharp and clean as a two-edged sword.
    Judi sat perfectly still, barely breathing. “Oh, Nathan.”
    She heard how thin her voice sounded, but how could she stand it? Engaged to another woman! Had the thought of him seeing other women ever occurred to her? Yes; once or twice, early on. Yet, when Mrs. Judi Whithorne died and Miss Judi Rydell’s identity firmly took hold, the menacing Nathan faded off into nonexistence. She had hardened her heart against the love she knew with her husband. Not once did she seek information on him or her family in fear that someone might take notice and blow her cover. There were no harsh realities to think about if her former life was erased from the books. Now, however, she was face-to-face with this previously hidden world and the lives of those affected by her
death.
    “Certainly, you understand the difficult position I’ve been thrust into.” His gaze was indecipherable; his face set as if in stone. “What would have happened if I had already married this woman? It’s inconceivable enough to think that I, a married man, am engaged to another woman. Could this be in any way fair to her? Fair to me?” He rapped an unyielding finger on the table. “Although innocent