Free Secondhand Heart by Kristen Strassel Page B

them.
    I don’t know what it is. My presence was demanded. Like I’m demanding yours.
    How did your night go?
    It just ended.
    My phone rang. “Tell me everything.”
    “I’m so stupid.” My sleep deprived brain had no filter, but I was going to tell her everything anyway. No need to hide anything from Bree. “He’s still married.”
    “What?” She shrieked so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. “But all the things I’ve read say his marriage is dead in the water.”
    “That might be true, but they haven’t signed the paperwork.” I wanted to cry. I’d practically locked myself in a cage since Jordan died, and then I went and did this. I might as well lay down in the middle of the street and let Cam run me over. It would get us to the same point faster. “And he didn’t sound like he was totally over her.”
    “You’re not over Jordan yet, either,” Bree said quietly.
    “I know.” I took a deep breath. “But he can’t come back.”
    “Did you guys sleep together?” She asked in that tone she used when she was trying to fix my life. Everyone else had given up by now, but Bree, the trooper, still believed in happily ever after.
    “We didn’t even make it to bed.” My heart pounded, admitting my sins out loud, surrounded by Dunkin’ Donuts wrappers. I wallowed in gross this morning.
    “Well, that’s good.” Bree totally missed my point. “You’re probably best to keep it platonic. Maybe you shouldn’t even go tonight. Make him work for it.”
    “No. We didn’t make it to the bed. We fucked each other’s brains out in the upstairs hallway like my mother never taught me any manners.”
    Bree gasped. “Oh. Hey, it’s early and I’ve only had one cup of coffee. And for the record, your mother didn’t teach you any manners. You were the first girl to do it in our class.”
    “But I married Jordan!” Now I was crying. “This guy is married to someone who isn’t me. And I fucking gave it to him like I was some sort of…sex vending machine.”
    “Daisy. It’s okay. We all make mistakes. Some of them you can’t take back, like when they knock you up and then skip out on child support.” She paused and gave me a chance to smile at her expense. “I think you’re beating yourself up over a technicality. He’ll be divorced soon enough, and then everything will be cool.”
    Would it be cool, though? As long as Cam was married, I had an excuse to walk away from him. To crawl back into my hidey hole, and continue the delusion that I didn’t have to move on with my life. That Jordan was still coming home. If Cam was totally available and into me, then I had to do something about it. Actually move forward.
    People gave me all sorts of options for what I should do next. I just wasn’t ready to make any choices right now. I’d already made my choice, and I had been happy. I wanted that back. So they could dangle all the Cam Hunters they wanted in front of my face. All the jobs, all the places to live, anything really. It didn’t matter how good it sounded. I wasn’t ready for another failure.
    All or nothing. I couldn’t make myself see the middle ground that everyone insisted existed. The one where I did little things to move on.
    And Cam was really a perfect example. Ev and Bree were convinced he was into me. And after last night, I’d have to agree with the girls. I think anyway, because he was still married. He was only the second person I’d ever been more than a friend with. But no matter how my emotions arm wrestled with each other in my brain, I couldn’t wait to see Cam again tonight.

B ree couldn’t get a babysitter. Obviously, I was spoken for, my mother was still shell shocked from watching the boys the night of my birthday, and Bree’s mom was not even an option. You’ve seen those hoarder people on TV? Bree’s mom could totally be on one of those shows. She let too much stuff ruin her life. The boys couldn’t even go to her house because it wasn’t safe