Free Baby on the Way by Lois Richer

was so easy for him. He didn’t have to worry about being alone, depending on himself, making mistakes. There was always a crowd of people hovering around in the Andrewses’ household.
    “Not everyone has dependable people in theirlives, Jordan. And sometimes the people you do depend on leave you high and dry.”
    Jordan nodded. “Quite often, in fact. That’s the beauty of having faith. Things will work out. You just have to be patient and trust that God has something special for you. You have to trust Him.”
    Caitlin paused before she said anything. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but neither could she just let this pass. “Jordan, I don’t think I believe that anymore. Michael’s gone. It’s not going to get better.” She sipped her ice water in an effort to control the frustration that whirled within.
    “God let me down with Michael, just like He did with my parents all those years ago. They died, my aunt died, and Michael died. God could have stopped it, but He didn’t. And no amount of faith is going to bring them back. Now I’ve got to learn to stand on my own two feet.”
    Jordan was silent for a few minutes, obviously deep in thought. She reared in surprise when his next words came.
    “Caitlin, would you believe God hadn’t let you down if Michael had survived the crash and was lying in the hospital in a coma?”
    “It’s hypothetical,” she murmured. “But at least there might be some hope.”
    “Even if the doctors said he would never regain consciousness?”
    Caitlin shuddered. “No, I wouldn’t want him to just lie there, with no possibility of ever waking up.”
    Jordan nodded. “Would you feel better if Michael had lived but been paralyzed, then?”
    She hated this. “I don’t know.”
    “What if he was in constant agony, but still alive?”
    “I’ve said I don’t know,” she replied tersely, laying her fork on the table. “Why do you keep asking me these awful questions?”
    “Because we can’t second-guess life, Lyn. And, no matter how much we want it, we will never know why Michael died. No explanations, just reality.”
    “It’s awfully hard to accept that.” She bit her lip.
    “Yes, it is hard,” he agreed. “But we can get through it. With God’s help. And friends.” He cleared his throat. “I miss my brother every day. But I know that where he is has to be a far better place. I have to let God take care of him and get on with my life. Someday I’ll see him again in heaven.”
    His smile lit up his eyes as he spoke and Caitlin found herself mesmerized by the lilt in his voice.
    “You see, Lyn, the difference is where we put our faith. You want to put yours in yourself. You think if you do enough, be enough, work hard enough, you’ll be okay. But if something knocks you down, your house of cards tumbles and it takes a long time to rebuild.”
    “And?” She avoided his eyes.
    “I put my faith in God. He’s all powerful, all knowing, all seeing. We make a strong team. What I can’t handle, He does. And He gives me faith in myself and my friends.” His hand covered hers. “WhenI get bowled over by life, He’s still there, waiting to help me up.”
    Caitlin reconsidered Jordan’s words as they finished dinner and then during the short silent car ride home. She continued to think about things long after he’d brushed her cheek with a friendly kiss and left her inside her door.
    Was she really strong enough to be everything to her child when she herself-felt so needy?
    The answer was simple. She had to be.
    But how?
    Caitlin brushed the problem away, unwilling to probe that question too deeply. Grabbing a nearby pad of paper, she began to list the essentials that had to be completed before the baby arrived. This, at least, she could get a grip on, she told herself. This was under her control.

Chapter Five
    S aturday morning dawned bright and clear. It would be the last really good day of autumn, Caitlin decided, eyeing the baby’s nursery with