Free Adam by Ariel Schrag Page B

Casey that he was “going out for a while” and just fucking go anywhere he wanted. He really
could
go anywhere he wanted! It was a rapidly intensifying, reckless feeling he’d never had before. No one knew him here. He could go anywhere, talk to anyone, do anything. It was as if instead of life being this confusing, awkward thing he had to bumble his way through, it was a brand-new video game, fresh from the shrink-wrap, where he was the hero and every single thing was possible. The most fantastic game ever invented. On a sudden impulse, Adam bolted—sprinted down to the end of the block as fast as he could run. He stood on the corner, gulping in breath, the pavement stinging his feet, looking around. He really could do
anything
he wanted.
    A gang of thug-looking guys rounded the corner and came toward Adam. His body tensed. But he knew if they attacked him, he’d fight with everything he had. If he died, he died, but he’d give it every fucking thing he had. The gang passed by him without notice. He could do whatever he wanted, but right now he mainly just wanted to eat. He crossed the street to get his sandwich.
    ***
    Back in the apartment, Casey and June were in Casey’s room, lying side by side on the mattress, watching
But I’m a Cheerleader
on Casey’s laptop. Casey apparently never felt the need to watch any other movie. Ethan’s door was closed, but light snuck out of the crack, along with the faint secret-code sounds of synth music. Adam went into his room to eat his sandwich. He splayed out on the bare mattress and turned on his laptop.
    *Knock*
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œMom on the phone,” said Casey through the door.
    Not in the mood.
    â€œTell her I have diarrhea.”
    â€œGross!”
    Adam heard Casey, muffled, to their mom, “Uh, he’s gonna call you back later.” Then to Adam, louder, “Just text her or something, OK?”
    â€œFine.”
    Adam wondered if Casey was going to turn bossy this summer, acting like she was Mom. She might . . . but he wasn’t too worried. She could act like the boss all she wanted, but he’d never actually have to do what she said. There were too many secrets between them. More that he kept for her. Like if she got all huffy about him staying out late, he could say,
“Oh yeah? Well, I’m gonna call Mom and tell her your new boyfriend she’s so thrilled about used to be a girl, so, as long as that’s cool
.
 . 
.
”
Not that he would ever really do that. But the fact that he could was still there. He sometimes thought about how Casey and his relationship would be different if she weren’t gay or if their parents knew and were OK with it. If he didn’t have that power. Or what if he was the one who were gay, and she kept the secret for him. The troubled younger brother who, on top of everything else, was gay. Thank god it wasn’t that.
    Adam tried to check his e-mail, but there was no signal. He went out into the living room.
    â€œCasey? What’s up with the Internet? It’s not working.”
    â€œIt’s not set up yet, dork,” she said, not taking her eyes off the movie.
    â€œYou can try to steal someone else’s signal,” said June. “Ethan said it was working this afternoon.”
    June was wearing plaid pajama pants and a baggy tank top that her large breasts spilled out of.
Ugh, don’t look. Don’t look.
    Adam went back to his room and scrolled through the wireless networks: 59AC. kozyshack. Jordan. DressedforSuccess. They were all locked. Fuck it. He was really tired anyway.
    He spread his sleeping bag out on the mattress, pulled off his jeans and T-shirt, turned off the office lamp he’d borrowed from Casey, and climbed into bed. Because there were no windows, the room was solid black. Like if he didn’t have a memory of what the room had just looked like, he would have
no
idea where he was. He could wake up in