Free Dissonance by Drew Elyse

mine, the terror pulsing through my veins.
    A gentle rapping on the door made me jump and sent a whole new rush of terror through me.
    “Charlotte,” Logan called to me softly. “Are you okay?”
    Trying desperately to force sound past the terror tightening my throat, I stammered, “I… I’m… I’m fine.”
    The doorknob twisted hesitantly, and I frantically attempted to appear collected, swiping haphazardly at my face to wipe away the beads of sweat on my forehead.
    Logan looked pale as he kneeled down next to me. I could not look up at him, so I just kept staring down at my hands that quaked in my lap. The slender fingers shook violently, giving away all the fear that continued to torment me.
    “Hey,” Logan said more gently than I had heard him speak before. When I kept my head lowered, he reached out and grasped one of my cold hands in both of his steady, warm ones.
    “I’m sorry,” he said in a resigned voice.
    Surprise startled me further from my despair and back into the moment. Why was he apologizing? I was the one who had run off. I was the one that still could not control my panic after nearly seven years.
    “What?”
    “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Did I set it off?”
    “It wasn’t your fault,” I replied in a small voice.
    “What happened?”
    “It’s… It’s nothing.” I could have hardly been less convincing.
    “Look, you don’t have to talk about it. I just don’t want to set you off like that again. I won’t pry beyond that if you don’t want to talk,” Logan said earnestly.
    Making an attempt at a deep breath that came out like a choppy gasp, I gave in. “The pet name.”
    Logan just nodded slowly. His eyes gave away that he wanted to know more. He wanted to understand how a simple endearment could reduce me to a nonfunctioning pile of nerves, cowering on the bathroom floor. He wanted to know what the hell was wrong with me. But he kept his word. He didn’t ask.
    We sat in silence for… I don’t know how long. He just gently stroked the back of my hand and let my body release all of the tension I had built up. Eventually, when my muscles had relaxed, and my breathing and heart rate returned to normal, he spoke again, “Okay?”
    I looked at him and nodded.
    “We should get back out there then. Your brother will be back soon,” he said, rising to offer me his hand.
    Once on my feet, I asked, “Back from where?”
    “Grocery store. Alex threw half a thing of parmesan cheese in the garbage when you ran out of the room. She wanted to distract him, I guess,” he explained.
    “There’s… a lot that Eli doesn’t know about.”
    “But Alex does?”
    I sighed. “No. Not really. She knows a bit more, but that’s all she needs to understand.” My answer was evasive at best, but he had already agreed not to push me. He just silently accepted my explanation and followed me out to the living room.
    Alex was still working away in the kitchen. From over her cutting board, she looked us over. “Feeling better?”
    I gave her a small smile, all I could muster. “Thanks for getting rid of Eli.”
    “No problem, honey. I still know the score.” She assessed me seriously for a moment. “Are they still bad?”
    I shrugged. “Not as frequent.”
    “Did you talk to Brooks about it?” She meant Dr. Brooks, the rather annoying shrink I had been seeing before the move.
    “No.”
    “It will get better if you talk about it,” she reminded me for the hundredth time. Alex wouldn’t push me. She knew better than that. But she had been down the same road, so she knew the only thing standing in the way of my recovery was myself. Hell, on good days, I knew it, too. Still, knowing and actually acting are very different things.
    “I… I’m not ready,” I replied in a small voice.
    “I know. But someday,” she gave me a hopeful smile as I returned to the couch.
    Logan sat across from me again, his attractive face still marred by confusion. “Why does Alex know more than Eli? I