Free Never Glue Your Friends to Chairs by Katherine Applegate Page A

school.”
    The junk drawer is one of my favorite off-limits places.
    It’s like a pirate treasure chest.
    Only with no rubies.
    I opened the drawer.
    I looked inside.
    Wow, I thought. This drawer is full of cool stuff!
    And that’s when all my trouble started.

5
Don’t-You-Dare Glue
    The junk drawer always has wonderful things in it.
    Keys. Puzzle pieces. Paper clips. The head from one of Hazel’s dolls.
    I was playing brain surgeon the day that happened.
    The patient died.
    I pulled out the bag of art supplies.

    I added three purple rubber bands to the bag.
    And a Slinky that wouldn’t slink anymore.
    And the doll head.
    You never know when you might need an extra head.
    And then I saw something else in the drawer.
    A bottle of Super-Mega-Gonzo Glue.
    The grown-up glue Mom calls don’t-you-dare glue.
    Super-Mega-Gonzo Glue is extra strong.
    Dad used it when I broke my great-grandma’s very old teacup.
    And when I broke Mom’s very precious flower vase.
    And when I broke Grandpa’s very ugly glass potato souvenir from Idaho.
    Adults really should keep breakable stuff away from us kids.
    Mom glanced into the family room. “Max! Did you find your other shoe? The bus will be here in five minutes.”
    My big brother came into the kitchen.
    He was armed with a juice box.
    “My shoe is on the roof,” Max said. Then he squirted me with his straw.
    At least it was apple juice. That’s my favorite.
    “Max!” Mom cried.
    “He started this war,” Max said.
    “My hair’s all wet,” I complained.
    “Maybe you should cut off your head,” Max said.
    Which was not all that helpful, really.
    “Shut up,” I said to Max.
    “Roscoe!” Dad said.
    “Shut up, PLEASE,” I said.
    “Wait just a minute, Max,” Mom said. “Did you say your shoe is on the roof ?”
    “There’s a good explanation,” Max said.
    “I’m sure there is,” said Dad. His eyebrow went up again.
    That eyebrow gets a lot of exercise.
    “Me and Roscoe were playing astronaut,” Max said.
    “Max’s shoe was the space shuttle,” I added.
    “I need a ladder,” Mom said.
    “I need more coffee,” Dad said.
    “I need a new brother,” I said.
    “You need a new brain,” said Max.
    “Guys,” said Dad. “Peace.”
    “Roscoe, Max and your dad and I have work to do on the roof,” Mom said. “Keep an eye on Hazel for me, sweetie.”
    Hazel is my little sister. She was busy watching cartoons in the family room.
    Mom says educational cartoons are okay.
    Especially until she’s had her first cup of coffee.
    “I’ll hold the ladder,” Dad said to Mom, “if you climb.”
    Dad is afraid of heights. But don’t tell anybody. It’s a family secret.
    Also, please don’t tell him he is losing his hair.
    Dads can be very sensitive, you know.
    “Dad,” I said. “Before you go outside, I think you should know you only have one sock on.”
    Dad looked down at his foot. “Has anyone seen my other sock?”
    “Try the roof,” Mom said.
    “Try Goofy’s stomach,” I said. “I think he ate it.”
    Goofy is our big white dog.
    He is very open-minded about his diet.
    Dad groaned. Then he went outside with his one bare foot. Followed by Max and Mom.
    I checked on Hazel. She was talking to a blue dog on the TV screen.
    Goofy was eating her cereal.
    I went back to the junk drawer.
    I picked up the don’t-you-dare glue.
    I imagined Mom saying, “Roscoe, don’t you dare touch the don’t-you-dare glue!”
    I put the glue down.
    I imagined my teacher saying, “Roscoe, what a wonderful helper you are! Thank you so much for the grown-up glue!”
    Hazel came into the kitchen. She was wearing a paper crown.
    Hazel’s favorite games are Princess Dress-up, Mud Pie Picnic, and Let’s Dress Up Roscoe Like a Princess and Make Him Eat Mud Pies.
    “…h, i, j, k, Ellen Emmo peed,” Hazel sang.
    She paused. “Who is Ellen Emmo?” she asked.
    “They’ll explain all that in kindergarten,” I said.
    I picked up the glue again.
    Hazel’s eyes got big.