Free Never Glue Your Friends to Chairs by Katherine Applegate Page B

“That’s the don’t-you-dare glue!”

    “It’s for my teacher,” I said. “Things are always breaking at school. Like yesterday, when I broke the pencil sharpener.”
    Sometimes I get a little carried away when I’m sharpening.
    I put the glue in the bag of art supplies. Then I grabbed my Hero Guy backpack.
    Hero Guy doesn’t have his own TV show or anything.
    Mom got him on sale at the mall.
    “Hey, Roscoe,” Max called. “Hurry up! The bus is coming! And you gotta come see something!”
    I took Hazel’s hand. I looked at the junk drawer one last time.
    Maybe I should put the glue back, I thought.
    After all, when you call something don’t-you-dare glue, there’s probably a good reason.
    I could hear the bus driver honking.
    Oh well, I thought.
    It was just a harmless little bitty bottle of glue.
    When Hazel and I got outside, I saw a big silver ladder leaning against the house.
    Dad was holding it.
    “Check it out!” Max exclaimed. “Mom’s on the roof again!”
    “Excellent,” I said.
    That is always a good way to start your day.
    I yelled good-bye as I ran for the bus stop.
    “See you at the open house!” Dad called.
    Just then there was a big gust of wind.
    The ladder fell with a crash.
    Probably Mom would have yelled goodbye, too.
    But she was too busy hanging from the roof.

6
The Secret Handshake
    When I got to my classroom, my friends Gus and Emma ran over to say hello.
    The first thing we did was our Secret Handshake.
    Here is how it goes. In case you would like to try it.
1. Scream each other’s names.
2. Wait for the teacher to say, “Inside voices, PLEASE!”
3. Do a high five.
3. Do a low five.
4. Stick out your tongue.
5. Get all serious and say, “How do you do, Mr. Riley?”

    Of course, you would not say Riley , probably.
    It would be pretty amazing if we had the same last name.
    Emma pointed to my elbows. “Cool sparkle Band-Aids, Roscoe.”
    I mostly always have a Band-Aid on me somewhere.
    Or a cast. Or a sling.
    Mom says to think of it all as a fashion statement.
    When I was four, I even had an eye patch.
    The eye patch was black. Totally pirate.
    “How’d you get the Band-Aids?” Gus asked.
    “Racing my Hot Wheels car down the stairs,” I said. “The Hot Wheels won.”
    “Household accidents are the mostcommon cause of injuries in children,” said Emma.
    Emma teaches me lots of interesting facts.
    She was born in China. Her parents adopted her when she was a baby.
    I wish I was born in China. Instead of just Kalamazoo.
    Gus teaches me lots of useful things too.
    Just last week he showed me how to make armpit farts.
    “What’s in the bag, Roscoe?” Emma asked.
    “Art stuff for Ms. Diz,” I said.
    I opened the bag. Gus and Emma peeked inside.
    “Cool head,” Gus said.
    “Her name was Drusilla,” I said. “BeforeI brain-surgeried her.”
    “Super-Mega-Gonzo Glue!” Gus said. “Whoa. My mom won’t let me near that stuff!”
    “Me either,” said Emma.
    “Me either,” I said. “But I figured Ms.
    Diz could use it. For when we break stuff. Let’s go show her what I brought.”
    Ms. Diz was busy stapling butterfly pictures to the bulletin board.
    Ms. Diz isn’t really her name.
    But her real name is hard to say. It uses maybe half of the alphabet.
    So she cut off the end for my class.
    Maybe when I’m a grown-up, I’ll be called Mr. Ri for short.
    Or not.
    I handed Ms. Diz the bag of art supplies. “This is for you,” I said. “It’s for the artcupboard. There’s special glue in there. And I even included a free head.”

    Ms. Diz frowned. “What kind of head, Roscoe?”
    “Just a doll head.” I smiled so she wouldn’t worry.
    Since Ms. Diz is new, she gets mixed up sometimes.
    I try to help her out whenever I can.
    After all, I was a kindergartner last year. So I already know everything there is to know about school.
    For example, when Ms. Diz forgot the janitor’s name, I remembered it was Mr. McGeely.
    She had to call him when Gus threw up