Free Rush by Nyrae Dawn

background, which I think is Brandon walking away. There’s a car door slamming and then he asks, “What did he say to you, baby? Jesus, I hate your dad.”
    That easily, things start to feel a little better. “Nothing . . . The same old thing, really. I’m just tired of hearing about when he was young, and what football meant and how many girls he had. He gives me shit about Charlie and hanging on to wait for her, and he doesn’t even know . . .” That I’m in love with you.
    “I’m sorry. I feel like such a prick. I should be going there this summer. Don’t let him make you feel like shit. He doesn’t know . . . He doesn’t know how incredible you are.”
    “Yeah?” I ask him.
    “Yeah . . .”
    I practically hear him thinking on the other end of the line, hear him feeling like shit.
    “Well obviously. Who could doubt that?” I tease and Brandon laughs. We talk for a few more minutes before I say I have to go. His brother will be here in two days and this is the first summer Brandon isn’t coming. He’s got some trip planned with some of the people on his team.
    Two days later I’m outside working with Charlie when their car pulls up. His parents get out, and then Nate. I swear she almost lights up, this rush of jealousy setting root inside me. Not because I love her like everyone thinks but because I want what she has.
    And then the other door opens, and Brandon gets out. Charlie runs up to Nate and jumps in his arms and now it’s anger that takes hold of me—at Nate, at Charlie, even at Brandon. Because he came. He came when he knew I needed him but I can’t show anyone how important that is to me.
    The Village, what we call the cabins, is packed like it is every summer for the celebration. Charlie’s dad started it years ago. It’s a big welcome to beginning of the season where they have a cookout, music, and dancing on a small floor set up not far from the lake. When we were kids, Charlie and I used to have a blast here. When we got older, it wasn’t as fun for her, but I still liked it. It was normal and at the time I wanted to hang on to every piece of normal I had in my life.
    Now, I think that word’s a lie.
    My parents are more involved now, my dad running the grills as Charlie’s dad travels along the new concrete path they put in to help him get around in his wheelchair.
    Brandon is sitting in one of the chairs by the sand, picking at a football in his hands. My old ball.
    “He’s still having a hard time.” Charlie steps up next to me.
    “Not my business or my problem.”
    “Maybe, maybe not. It doesn’t mean you don’t care though.”
    I glance at her and she smiles. I can’t make myself return it though. “Is he working out at all?”
    “Nate says he’s pretending to but not really doing it.”
    “Shit.” It’s hard to understand Brandon sometimes. He loves football, but he resents it too. He feels trapped by it but that love of the game is still woven into him. He’s always been into fitness and even though he doesn’t know where his head is right now, he has to miss the rush of a long run, of being active.
    “I remember you guys always off doing something when we were teenagers. It used to drive me crazy. I didn’t know how two people could be so into sports as you both were. I thought that’s all you cared about. Now I’m wondering how much of that was really about the game and how much was you guys wanting to be alone together.”
    Without looking at her, I reply, “It started out about football. That was always part of it but then it was more about us.”
    Charlie sighs and I know she’s sad for me. For both Brandon and I. “We could both do something to change it but neither of us do.” I watch as he runs his hand over the ball. “He said he wants to be worthy of it . . . That he wants to be the person I gave it to.”
    And he’s not. I mean, I know he’s still Brandon but he used to always joke around. He laughed, teased, and was happy.