Free Rush by Nyrae Dawn Page A

That’s not what I see when I look at him anymore and it kills me.
    “He’s living a lie, Alec. You haven’t come out, but you’re still you. You have Logan and I have no doubt that one day, you’ll be proud enough of who you are that you won’t care what anyone else thinks. I don’t know if he can do that.”
    “He can.” The answer is automatic. “You don’t know him like I do. He
can
.”
He just won’t.
    Brandon was the one who acted first on what we felt. He was the one who touched me first, and kissed me first and told me that he was falling for me. He’d been scared as hell but he’d done it. That piece of him seems to be lost now.
    As if he knows we’re talking about him, Brand looks up, his eyes landing right on me. His hair is messy. And even though he’s not standing, I know his shorts are baggy enough that the top of his boxer-briefs sticks out, and that even though he’s not in the same shape he was, his abs are so fucking nice.
    He has the body of a running back—lithe, strong, and fast.
    He nods his head at me, a half smirk tilting his lips. Right now, he looks like the Brandon I used to know. He holds up the ball and I know he’s asking me if I want to play.
    “You should go,” Charlie whispers.
    It’s something so small but something we haven’t done in so long. I miss it. Wish for that little piece of normal that used to be Brandon and me.
    One step, then another. As I’m about to take the third, I hear, “Alec! Where are you going?”
    I turn at the sound of Dad’s voice as him and Mom walk up. “Nowhere. The party seems to be going well.”
    “It was a helluva hard day. It would have been nice if you could have helped.”
    Something brushes against my arm and I don’t have to look to know Brandon came over to us.
    “It’s not his fault he had to work. You can’t blame him for holding down a job.” Mom wraps her arm through Dad’s.
    But I wasn’t at work. I lost my job and don’t plan on telling you.
    “Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t help to have him around. This place is something we all took on. Charlie came home to help.”
    “I came to see my dad,” Charlie says.
    “Wanna come play ball?” Brandon asks.
    I only glimpse at him before I turn away. He’s trying to save me when he doesn’t have to do it.
    “Nah, that’s okay. I need to take care of some stuff here. How are we on ice?” I direct the last part at Dad.
    “I don’t know. It’s been a while since I checked. You need to refill the oil in the lamps. We need to talk about your schedule too, so I know how much you can help this summer.”
    “Do you always work long hours like the other day?” Brandon asks. This time I can’t help staring at him. He knows damn well I didn’t work late the other day just like he knows there’s not even a job right now.
    He sees I don’t want to be here too . . . Without telling him, he sees it.
    Brand looks at my dad. “We stopped by his place when we first drove into down. We had to wait forever since he worked late, but Charlie wouldn’t let us leave.”
    She laughs. “I missed my friend. Plus, he was barbecuing for us. I didn’t want to miss that.” She lies just as smoothly as Brandon.
    “Yeah it’s tough in the summer. That’s when a lot of people move.” Which is true. I’m sure they’re real busy.
    “Are you going to be able to help much?” Mom looks at me.
    “Probably not too much . . . I’ll do what I can though.” It makes me a jerk that I don’t want to be here to help out my own family, especially when the money would come in handy. Being around every day isn’t an option though. It makes me feel worse about myself.
    “Damn it. I guess I’ll have to figure something out. Way to leave us hanging.” Dad laughs, playfully pushing at my shoulder. He’s pissed though. He wouldn’t argue for a second if I told him I’d quit my job and help this summer. He’d consider it being responsible for my family. It’s what a real man would