Free Behaving Like Adults by Anna Maxted

mirror trying to pluck a hair out of her chin. Most women. I coughed. She looked up. I raised an eyebrow.
    She said, ‘Got a cough?’
    â€˜Claudia, switch on your computer, I want us to get some work done today.’
    â€˜Of course.’ She switched on her machine and winced. ‘Blinded by the light. I need a screen break, it’s making me nauseous.’
    â€˜I think you’ll find those two doughnuts you just inhaled are what’s making you nauseous, love.’
    â€˜Nige, you’re not funny. I’m getting my eyesight back. Jesus, Hol, now I can see, you look as rough as he does – hey, and you haven’t told us what happened with—’
    Some people will do anything to avoid work.
    Brrg brrg!
    Nige picked up the receiver with a twirl. ‘Hello, lovely caller, Girl Meets Boy!’ After a brief pause, he transferred the call to me, adding loudly, ‘It’s the Great Unwashed.’
    I glared at him, picked it up. ‘Rachel?’
    â€˜Babes, how
are
you? You must tell Nigel to stop flirting with me. I’m out of his league. I trust you misbehaved with Stuart last night?’
    I gripped the phone. ‘One sec, Rach. Are you two going for lunch then?’
    Nige and Claudia stared at each other in glee. ‘Yes,’ said Claw quickly, wiping the sugar off her mouth. ‘We’ll be at Martha’s.’
    â€˜Not anywhere else?’
    Claudia looked at me. ‘Actually, we thought we’d go to Paris. There’s nowhere to eat round here.’
    â€˜What I mean is, stay where I can find you.’
    I waved them off. They’re such babies, I only stop short of handing them a pound each and saying, ‘Buy yourself some sweets’. Then I locked the door.
    â€˜Sorry, Rach. So what did you get up to after I left? Did everyone look happy? Did Sam seem okay, the woman in the dungarees? Were people talking to her?’
    Rachel laughed a hollow laugh. ‘Bor-ing! Answer the question, babes. Did you score?’
    I’ll say one thing about Rachel. She doesn’t
hint
. But then, why shouldn’t she ask me straight out? I am, after all, in the business of pairing penises and vaginas. (Girl Meets Boy does have platonic facilities but they tend to be underused.) And why should I be coy? All the weirdness I felt was pure guilt. I’d been in a relationship for five years, of course I was going to feel odd the first time I slept with another man. This unease was down to misplaced loyalty, me dreading that in some way I’d cheated on Nick.
    â€˜Yes, I did. Did you?’
    â€˜She shoots, she scores! Oh no, babes, we’re not talking about
me
. I want a blow-by-blow account. What school did he go to? Was his pecker of a satisfactory girth? Don’t bore me with length, length is a red herring, I’ve no time for it.’
    When Rachel said that, I fumbled for an answer but I couldn’t find one. I giggled, trying to
feel
the giggle, and yes, I nearly felt it. This was more like it. This is what happens when you get laid. Your nosiest friends smash through the boundaries that maturity is meant to bring and ask you cheeky questions they know are none of their business. I’d been with Nick for so long I’d forgotten the routine.
    â€˜I’ve no idea what school he went to, Rach. Hackney Comp, for all I know. You’re the only person I know who’d ever ask that.’
    â€˜It’s important, babes, it’s his
pedigree
.’
    A query that would have been more relevent had I sleptwith an Afghan Hound and I was about to say so, but Rachel interrupted. ‘Ask him next time. Now, about his pecker.’
    I was a blank.
    â€˜I feel quite, quite . . . hurty today, so, so that must mean something.’
    Rachel cackled. I tried to dig up more information for her. But I couldn’t. I had a picture in my head of watching a big man on top of a woman on a kitchen floor. Was that me