Free Guilty by Joy Hindle Page A

enemy. Fighting OCD is very challenging but having Sadie on my side was brill! I had someone in my support system nearer my age – it felt ace to have somebody else in on my secret apart from Mum!
    The new cognitive behavioural therapist opened the door to greet us with a broad smile. She was quite good-looking, actually. I didn’t want Sadie to think I moved in a world of complete creeps. I felt almost proud, that Sadie’s new-found interest might be maintained by this young girl who seemed to have a sense of humour – she cracked a couple of doctor/patient jokes. Joking with Sadie – that was another first. Not sure if her new found politeness made her pretend but she didn’t seem to notice I touched the door handle five times.
    Emily explained that I was going to be introduced slowly to one of my OCD triggers and then helped to avoid carrying out the necessary ritual.
    Sadie even asked her questions: ‘How will that help Josh?’ She sounded like Mum who had always accompanied me to appointments like this in the past.
    ‘Well,’ she gently explained, ‘hopefully through this technique Josh will learn that the anxiety will eventually decrease without him having to complete the ritual.’
    Things were looking up. I even managed to get through the door, as we left, without giving in to the compulsion to do my touching thing! It flashed through my mind that Sadie might suggest we go for a Coke together at the hospital café while she texted Uncle Simon. I’d have liked that for once. I felt a buzz that I could cope with Sadie by my side. I was going to beat you, OCD.
    Sadie was texting Simon straightway. She didn’t seem quite as chatty as we walked to wait outside.
    ‘Headache, mate,’ she tapped her head, pulled her knitted hat on and lit a cigarette. Her mum hated her smoking; she was definitely underage too!
    ‘Mate!’ She’d called me mate – that was a first, another buzz.
    The nicotine must have helped because she was back to the new chatty Sadie all the way back in the car, including me in every conversation,
    ‘We’ll have to take you to the next rugby match!’ I was on a real high. I only fastened and unfastened my seatbelt twice.
    Mum and Dad were outwardly grateful to Uncle Simon but I could see beneath the surface that they wondered what the ulterior motive was. I thought they were a bit mean to think that. Simon had to get back. It felt really sad that he was going and as a special thank you to him – not that he’d notice, I forced myself not to wipe my hand after shaking his.
    Sadie went out to the car with him. I wondered why they didn’t take her home now. We had enough problems at this end with me! However I was on top of the world. I felt I could open a window, for once, let in a bit of air, not fear germs from the outside world!
    Floating through the window, Simon’s words: ‘Thanks, Sadie. You did a fab job. Here’s the twenty pounds I promised you; reckon you earned it, best cousin in the world!’
    The CDs in the rack, next to the window weren’t in alphabetical order. My hand swiped the lot on the floor and I hurriedly began the task of sorting them. My right arm itched. I scratched it raw. My left arm had to match.
    Mum was thrown back into her old role. A blur of her dragging me away from the CDs as Sadie stood at the open door sniggering away.
    ‘We’ll hang out together next time Dad visits,’ she waved the purple note in the air, winking at me. It was quickly hidden before Mum guessed her secret.
    She was off, out of my life in a shot.”
    *
    The guilt – yes, despite everybody’s contrary beliefs, Sadie had started to do guilt – cut the memory recall dead. Sadie called out to Josh to continue the story as his voice faded into oblivion. She was woefully back in the present, the worst place on earth.

 
    7.
     
    Bri was sat at his desk, head in his hands. The door flung open and his boss, Richard, stood there, fingers raking through his blond hair, the long fringe