Free Reckless Mind by Heather Wiginton

She gave me a look telling me she knew I knew exactly who she was talking about. “He doesn't see me like that, Em. I keep trying to just have a normal conversation with him, but it's always hot and cold. Pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy, and for some reason I seem to really frustrate him. He always walks away from me.” Shaking my head I replayed the several instances where he had done just that.
    “That's Brandon. Just,” her eyes dropped, looking at the floor, before returning to mine. “Just don't give up on him, okay? I'm not talking jump into a relationship, get married, and have kids...I mean, as friends, just don't ever give up on him. You mean something to him, Kahlen, I don't know what that is, but it's more than we've seen out of him in a long time.” Her face looked a little sad now, and I knew I was right about Brandon having gone through something that had changed him. Maybe whatever happened was why he dropped out of college, maybe it was why he refused to let down the walls he'd built up over time. I only nodded at Emma, and I knew deep down I couldn't give up on Brandon even if I wanted to.
    “We should probably head out soon, right?” As much as I wasn't looking forward to going to this party, I was a little excited to see Brandon though. Emma went to grab some clothes, she wasn't sure what she was wearing yet, and tell her parents we were getting ready to go.
    As we put all the clothes Emma gave me into my car, I felt proud of myself. Yes, I did still have to block out most of my emotions during dinner, but I was able to have a conversation about my past without completely slipping away and pulling my hair out, digging my fingernails into my palm, or screaming at the top of my lungs. It wasn't where I wanted to be personally, but it was a step in the right direction. I knew who I was deep down, and it wasn't who they told me I was for all those years. I wasn't worthless, a whore, ugly, it wasn't my responsibility to please men no matter the cost to me. I just needed to keep working at moving forward from the past instead of letting it hold me back in.
    Dan and Jules gave Emma a hug, and as I turned to walk to the door, Jules gave me one as well. I thanked them for having me for dinner, and even though I wanted to apologize again for making Brandon leave, I didn't. I was beginning to think letting other people take responsibility for their own actions was going to play a big part in my moving forward.
    Driving back to my apartment Emma and I were both quietly thinking. I was trying to figure out how to talk to Brandon and have an actual conversation with him without him running away. I found out a few minutes later that Emma on the other hand was planning in her head what we were going to wear to her brother's party. She said we wanted to be comfortable but sexy, and when I told her I didn't do sexy she just laughed at me and told me to look in a fucking mirror. I don't know what that girl saw when she looked at me.
    Back at my place we each took turns showering. She picked out shorts and a slightly oversized shirt that looked like it had gone through a shredder with a smaller cami underneath for me to wear. I wasn't sure about it, but once it was on it looked good, so I just slipped on some flip flops and went to throw my hair up into a pony tail. I thought my arm was going to come out of it's socket when Emma moved to grab the hair tie from me. Apparently I was going to leave my hair down for the party. Opening the drawer, I did grab another hair tie and put it in my pocket just in case though.
    “Here, sit,” she motioned to the toilet. Emma dried my hair with a round brush she had and I didn't even need to use a straightener after. “There, perfect.” She said with a smile as she turned to the mirror and started putting on her makeup. She didn't wear much and neither did I, just some mascara, a little foundation for the dark circles under my eyes because I rarely slept well, and some gloss for