Free It's No Picnic by Kenneth E. Myers Page A

over the head with them.”
    “So, I was right. It was you who killed Nadie K.?”
    “What do you mean—right?”
    “Well, this is how it went. First, I figure you killed Nadie K. with the dentures by striking her repeatedly on the head. That much seemed apparent from the physical evidence. Then you dragged the body into the old church and over a nail in the floor, hanging the dress and leaving a piece of it behind. It seemed the body just disappeared into thin air after that. Where did he stash the body I thought? Then it occurred to me. The hollowness of the floorboards. Of course, a basement . He hid it in the old church basement. But still I sensed nothing foul about the place, so I dismissed it shortly after meeting with Eli. And then there’s Eli who, stealing the dress and discovering it bloody, felt compelled by guilt to tell somebody. So, he brought it to me— the mystery writer . And with that and a bloody shirt, I confronted Don, believing he must be the murderer. Eventually I turned him over to the police, watching him die in a jail cell as he continued professing innocence. And that’s the kicker. You see, both you and Don were having an affair with Nadie K. So, you said why not implicate Don in the murder and save Cap from the rap. So, you planted the dress and bloody shirt knowing the wife—as Don never changed clothes or did laundry—would find them in the bedroom closet, confront Don, and call the police. It never occurred to you that Eli had tendencies as he put it. But no never mind. It still worked out. He gave it to me, the mystery writer that immediately deduced, falsely of course, that Don was the murderer. Perfect , Don worried dead and Eli driven mad. No real witnesses. Or so you thought. Until Miss K. discovered the dentures. Then you panicked and kidnapped her. I’m guessing she’s here, right?”
    “Yes, she’s here Alex.” Cap said, “But you’re missing one thing, motive. You naively think it jealousy I imagine. Oh, no—friend, not jealously. F ALSE T EETH . Clattering, chattering, and rattling false teeth. She could never keep them in. Why not use super glue for God’s sake. Enough to drive somebody insane I tell you. Then, one night, I went mad, and picking them up from the table, struck her over the head, beating,
     
    — b e a t i n g —
     
    until falling to the floor with exhaustion. And in a panic, I took the body as you said…But why am I telling you this?”
    “Regret, remorse, repentance? Who knows?”
    “No. Why am I telling you this?!”
    “I don’t know. Why?” Alex said.
    A brief pause…time enough for the room to breathe and regain a fresh sense. Then—Alex said, “So, where did you hide the body?”
    “Here,” Cap said, “in the freezer.”
    Cap opened the freezer where the remains of one Nadie K. now chilled. The body was in pieces, perfectly formed and molded to suit the best; quartered and cut into flanks, sirloins, tenderloins; a veritable feast.
    “You see, I used to be a butcher,” Cap said, “But why am I telling you this?!?!”
    “Grief, guilt?”
    “No. Why am I telling you ?!?!?!”
    “Well, maybe some fiend or lord is influencing you?”
    “Lord.” Cap said with a bemused and muddled tone.
    “Residents were talking of nothing but the lord. Eli with the lord and madman. The attendant, the twins…Everybody talking nonstop, lord, lord, lord .”
    Then—out of the dismal darkness appeared Miss K., perfectly fine, not a scratch, not even a slight or light blemish. Alex became numb in her presence. Perhaps as a result of blows to the head. Maybe from the shock of finding alive and in perfect condition somebody he thought long since dead. But still, the question begged.
    Why was she in such flawless shape and why was Cap now seemingly filled with awe and fear, trembling violently from head to toe?
    Anyway, she walked into the now expansive open space of the basement, into the white light, looking at Cap and eying Alex, saying to Alex,