Free First Love and Other Shorts by Samuel Beckett

could think … nothing she— … what? … who? … no! … she! … ( pause and movement 4 ) … tiny little thing … out before its time … godforsaken hole … no love … spared that … speechless all her days … practically speechless … even toherself … never out loud … but not completely … sometimes sudden urge … once or twice a year … always winter some strange reason … the long evenings … hours of darkness … sudden urge to … tell … then rush out stop the first she saw … nearest lavatory … start pouring it out … steady stream … mad stuff … half the vowels wrong … no one could follow … till she saw the stare she was getting … then die of shame … crawl back in … once or twice a year … always winter some strange reason … long hours of darkness … now this … this … quicker and quicker … the words … the brain … flickering away like mad … quick grab and on … nothing there … on somewhere else … try somewhere else … all the time something begging … something in her begging … begging it all to stop … unanswered … prayer unanswered … or unheard … too faint … so on … keep on … trying … not knowing what … what she was trying … what to try … whole body like gone … just the mouth … like maddened … so on … keep— … what? … the buzzing? … yes … all the time the buzzing … dull roar like falls … in the skull … and the beam … poking around … painless … so far … ha! … so far … all that … keep on … not knowing what … what she was— … what? … who? … no! … she! … SHE! …( pause ) … what she was trying … what to try … no matter … keep on … ( curtain starts down ) … hit on it in the end … then back … God is love … tender mercies … new every morning … back in the field … April morning … face in the grass … nothing but the larks … pick it up—

    ( Curtain fully down. House dark. Voice continues behind curtain, unintelligible, 10 seconds, ceases as house lights up )

    Note
    Movement: this consists in simple sideways raising of arms from sides and their falling back, in a gesture of helpless compassion. It lessens with each recurrence till scarcely perceptible at third. There is just enough pause to contain it as M OUTH recovers from vehement refusal to relinquish third person.

Breath

    Curtain

    1.  Minimum light on stage littered with miscellaneous rubbish. Hold about five seconds.
    2.  Faint brief cry and immediately inspiration and slow increase of light together reaching maximum together in about ten seconds. Silence and hold about five seconds.
    3.  Expiration and slow decrease of light together reaching minimum together ( light as in 1 ) in about ten seconds and immediately cry as before. Silence and hold about five seconds.

    Curtain

    R UBBISH  No verticals, all scattered and lying.

    C RY  Instant of recorded vagitus. Important that two cries be identical, switching on and off strictly synchronized light and breath.

    B REATH  Amplified recording.

    L IGHT  If 0 = dark and 10 = bright, light should move from about 3 minimum to 6 maximum and back.