Chapter 1:
Ever since I was a young girl, I had always fancied the stars. I could feel an invisible force up there who wanted to talk to me, to be with me, to reach out to me, but somehow the world thought I was dreaming. No one took me seriously even when I told that I could actually talk to people there. For the rest of the world, I was just another little nine-year-old girl with dreams too big for my little eyes and a head that became the puzzle for too many scientists and doctors.
“Mrs. Wilson, did you tell her a lot about her dad? This may have impacted her reasoning and belief because she has carved out a belief that someone there in the outer space can reach out to her.”
“Mrs. W, I think you need to get her back to reality. Her perception of fantasy and reality has blurred and for her, there isn’t a lot of difference between the two.”
“You can get her enrolled in our of our psychology programs. She will be our sample for study and we can see how trauma impacts little children.”
I had heard all of these. Mom went to a lot of different doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and in the end, even asylums. None of them could help me because I was fully functional. I was not living in delusion and I could do all my work.
My grades were the best in class. I exhibited no signs of any disability and yet, I was persistent about my belief that there was someone beyond the stars who spoke to me and cared for me and no, it wasn’t my dad because the stranger was different. He was young and little, just like me.
Life happens and it happened to me too. I lost my mom in a freak accident when I was 18 and I suddenly found myself amidst too many things. I had no clue of the things to do. As my mom had no one apart from me, she left her home to me but with it, she also left her debts to me.
I knew that I needed to make a life if I had to pay off the debts. While offering me a good education and making sure that my college fees were accounted for, she had ended up taking too many debts and this certainly had left her in a soup.
She had really loved me. Despite the mess I was and the kind of complications I came with, she loved me with every fiber of her being and I knew my heart had broken into more pieces than it was made of when she had died.
We never got a chance to tell our goodbye. It was so hard for me to accept it. It was like in one split second, my world came crashing and at the unripe age of 18. I was left preparing for my mom’s funeral.
I knew that I was lucky that I had turned of age or else the dilemma of child care and other hassles may have turned my life into a nightmare. I was fully capable of supporting my own life and I decided to do just that. I couldn’t let my mom’s reputation be spoiled and I realized that it was time for me to take a hold of my life, get a good job and pay off all the debts before starting my own life.
That was three turning phase in my life and it was then that I left my dream of being a stargazer. I realized that mom had spent a lot of time fort and money as she wanted to make something out of me, but my dream of proving that my visions were real and not whimsical had made me go astray.
Chapter 2:
I grew up at 18 and became a different person. It was like I could separate my life into two separate phases – pre-mom and post-mom. I became methodical and devoted my life to work. I worked hard, got a degree and decided to get a job.
I was working as a librarian in my part time hours while I had the job of an accountant during the daytime. I hated numbers, I despised them but it is the one thing that paid. I soon climbed the charts and I became one of the head accountants at GS Associates, the leading firm in the start of Los Angeles. I had a good salary which helped me make considerable amount of savings.
I had a plan of paying off my debts and since I would be free to live my own life, I wanted to research about the life in outer space. The child in me
Teresa Toten, Eric Walters