Free Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe by Simon Okill

devious developer who built condominiums-mostly retirement condominiums on the land once it had been drained. And like Duane, Cousin Wilbur was a loner.
    But unlike Duane, Cousin Wilbur had business acumen. He went from dubious deal to dubious deal.
    Lou was well-aware-in fact anyone who knew Duane was well aware, that Duane sadly lacked the skill or desire to make his mark in life.
    Lou knew that Duane was content to meander along life's highway, bonking his brains out, performing at hen parties, singing and playing his guitar at Abe's Bar and Grill. Not to mention pranking the shit out of her.
    There was also another factor to take into account for Duane's popularity with the ladies-he was real good in bed. But Lou didn't want to dwell on such a lewd thought-because he was like a brother to her, and such a thought seemed indecent.
    It had to be said that most Beaverites liked Duane. Though there were some that thought him a little too weird, living all alone in that cabin of his in the woods.
    Yeah, he sure was one weird son-of-a-bitch, agreed Lou.
    Duane nodded to a Japanese tourist sitting next to Lou, who was giving her an amorous, all be it drunken look. The tourist got the meaning right away and sauntered off his stool.
    Duane sat down at the vacant barstool next to Lou and put his arm around her shoulder. He gave her a big Bigfoot hug. He looked concerned, but the mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes gave his true feelings away.
    "Aw, what's bothering my gal? Come on, you can tell ol' Duane-o."
    Lou narrowed her eyes as she looked at the feigned look of concern on his face. "Two things are bothering me, right now."
    "Heard Beau's gone missing again," Duane said.
    "Oh yeah . . . that's one of them."
    "He'll show up when he has a mind to . . . so hang loose."
    Lou nodded her head and sighed, "Yeah, I guess."
    Duane gave Lou a pensive look, "The results from the Phantom Bigfoot Bather Case back yet?" He scratched his butt with his thinking finger.
    "Had the same conversation with Walt earlier today . . . and yes, they have."
    "DNA give anything away?"
    "Nope."
    Duane nodded his head and said, "Shame about that . . . a real shame."
    Lou saw the concern on his face, but she was quick to notice the twinkle of humor in his eyes. She gave a long, weary sigh. She loved Duane and knew the feeling was mutual. But he sure knew how to yank her chain with his practical jokes. Lou looked away from his face and gazed miserably into her glass of tequila. She gave another sigh.
    "I dunno . . . what is the world coming to?"
    Duane solemnly nodded his head and agreed. "Yeah, what is the world coming to? You gotta admit there's a lot of weird shit going on." His tone was mockingly serious.
    Lou wasn't fooled by his tone of voice. She took a sip of her tequila as Abe came over to them with a refill of beer for Duane. She gave Duane a withering glance.
    Abe placed the full glass of beer on the bar in front of the amiable Bigfoot and walked away to serve some other customers that were eagerly jostling for a prime position at the bar.
    "Shit, Lou, I've told you, it ain't me," Duane pleaded. "It has to be some other sicko in town responsible for clogging up Beaverite's pipe works." He took another mouthful of beer and grinned. He scratched his butt again. "You wanna know who I think it is?" He paused for a moment and smiled. "That shit-for-brains Walt. He loves drains . . . loves the smell of them . . . wouldn't surprise me if he bathes in drainage." As an afterthought, "Sure smells as though he does."
    Sad to say, some of what Duane said made sense, but Lou didn't really think the town plumber was the Phantom Bigfoot. Everyone knew that Duane loved to play practical jokes. How many times had he been caught red-handed by MB and tourists alike in his tailor-made Bigfoot feet stomping up the ground in the woods somewhere?
    And how many times had someone photographed or got Duane on a camcorder in his Bigfoot duds, only for him to take off his