Free We Give a Squid a Wedgie by C. Alexander London Page A

Corey. “You’re the Celebrity Adventurist. What do we do?”
    “I, like, never did an episode about this,” said Corey.
    “Oliver.” Celia turned to her brother. “You watch
Sharkapalooza
! What have you learned?”
    “Sharks live in the water!” Oliver yelled.
    “Well duh, professor,” Celia scoffed at him.
    Oliver hated when his sister made fun of him for not knowing something when she didn’t know it either. And he didn’t like looking like an idiot in front of Corey Brandt or Big Bart.
    “Dad!” he yelled. “What do we do?”
    “Don’t panic!” their father added again. That seemed to be as much advice as he could offer.
    “Well …” Oliver racked his brain to remember something useful, anything useful. “They say thatif you rub a shark’s nose and flip it upside down, it sort of falls asleep.”
    “Rub its nose?” Celia repeated in disbelief.
    “And then we can push it overboard,” Oliver said miserably.
    “What about the octopus?” Corey wondered.
    “I guess we’ll just have to grab it and toss it overboard,” said Oliver.
    “Like we did with the octopus at the New Year’s Eve party,” said Corey.
    This time Oliver blushed. He didn’t like to be reminded about the killer ­wedgie he’d received.
    We should note that, much to their dismay, ­Oliver and Celia were no longer awed by the majesty of the sea.
    “No time to lose.” Big Bart stepped forward. “The shark will die if we don’t help it.”
    “Yeah,” said Celia. “But we might die if we do help!”
    “Come on, Celia.” Corey Brandt smiled. “I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt.”
    Celia nodded, and she and the teen star moved carefully after Big Bart toward the thrashing shark. Oliver let out a low groan and stepped up behind them. He almost wished he had just let his sisterwatch her soap operas and never seen
Sharkapalooza
at all. A little knowledge was a terrible thing.
    But it was too late for regret; it was time for action.­
    “I hate to rush you all,” Dr. Navel called from the stern of the boat, “but we seem to be heading into rough weather. We’ll want to throw those animals back in the water somewhat quickly! A storm’s a-comin’, as they say!”
    Oliver and Celia could swear they heard a bit of glee in their father’s voice. Shark and octopus wrestling reminded him of their mother.
    That’s how they had spent their honeymoon.
    “Oliver.” Celia looked back at her brother. “I’m really sorry I got us into this. I know it was my fault.”
    “It’s cool,” sighed Oliver. “It was, you know …”
    “Destiny,” said Celia.
    Oliver nodded. “Now let’s get this sharktopus wrestling over with.”

12
WE WON’T JUMP THE SHARK

    “WE’VE GOT TO JUMP THE SHARK,” said Big Bart, rubbing his hands together and preparing to leap. The shark and the octopus were battling each other, thrashing all over the deck.
    Big Bart timed his leap over the fish fracas—which is just another way of saying fight—with great care. One swipe with the shark’s muscular tail would send even a man of his size overboard and, in the growing sea swells in the dark of night, it would be impossible to rescue him.
    “You two wait here,” Corey said to Oliver and Celia, although it didn’t really seem necessary. They had no plans to jump the shark.
    “Corey! Be careful!” Celia exclaimed way too dramatically. She blushed. Oliver didn’t even bother to roll his eyes. His sister knew.
    Corey blew a strand of hair off his forehead,gave the kids his trademark wink and smile, and took his own running jump over the fracas. He overestimated and nearly jumped clear off the front of the boat. Big Bart caught him by one of the pockets on his Pocketed Pajamas and pulled him back on board.
    “Those are some good pajamas,” said Big Bart.
    “Double stitched,” Corey said. “I wouldn’t endorse a bad product. You know, I get offers all the time, for energy drinks and adventure gear and hair gel. But these Pocketed