Free We Give a Squid a Wedgie by C. Alexander London

said, handing them each a steaming plate of rice and beans. “Just don’t eat too close to the edge of the boat.”
    “Why’s that?” Oliver wondered.
    “Well, it’s dusk,” said Big Bart. “They call thisthe sharking hour. It’s when sharks hunt. Wouldn’t want one coming on board to snatch your dinner.”
    “Sharks don’t eat rice and beans,” said Oliver.
    “Oh, I suppose not.” Big Bart laughed. “But what about little children?”
    “We’re not little children,” Celia explained with a sideways glance at Corey. “We’re almost twelve. That makes us tweens.”
    “Tweens, huh?” Big Bart said. “Well, in that case I’m sure the sharks won’t bother you!” He chuckled and bid them good evening, lumbering his way back belowdecks, with Dennis hopping along after him.
    “He’s weird,” said Celia.
    “I kind of like him,” said Oliver.
    “I think he’s pretty cool,” said Corey.
    “I guess he’s okay,” Celia conceded. Oliver rolled his eyes a tiny bit when his sister wasn’t looking. They ate quietly and watched the sleek silver bodies of sharks slice through the water.
    That night, the twins were sound asleep inside their bunks in the cabin when they heard a loud bang that shook the entire boat. The walls of the cabin flexed, like they had been hit with something really big. They heard a terrible sound fromoutside, thrashing and scraping. It was as if a fight had broken out on deck.
    They rushed outside to see what was going on and stopped short in the doorway.
    Just in front of them, a large octopus was engaged in a violent battle with the ropes that Bonnie had spent so much of the afternoon coiling. Its tentacles were tangled and it was squirming and sliding, trying to get itself back to the water.
    “Is that the kraken?” Corey wondered.
    “It’s an octopus,” said Big Bart, standing beside him. “The kraken is a squid.”
    “If the kraken’s real,” Oliver added, “it would have giant fangs and be about as big as this whole boat. But
Beast Busters
says it’s not real, so it doesn’t matter.”
    “
Beast Busters
?” asked Big Bart.
    “Don’t ask,” said Celia.
    As they stood watching the octopus struggle in the ropes, a large tiger shark darted along the wall of water alongside the boat. It gave no warning, but in a flash it turned its whole body around and shot toward the deck, slicing right through the wall of water, and, much to its surprise, plummeting through the air and landing right beside its prey. The shark’s eyes glistened in the moonlight. Its rows of razor-sharp teeth shined.
    As the
Get It Over With
rose to the top of the swell, the octopus and the shark found themselvesthoroughly out of the water. The octopus’s eyes scanned the shark beside it and the shark did what came naturally to a fish out of water: it panicked.
    Ropes and tools went flying. A heavy steel winch handle, used for raising the sails, plopped overboard and disappeared into the ocean. The shark tried to snap its jaws around the octopus. The octopus tried to wrap itself around the shark to sink its sharp beak into the shark’s head. Black ink sprayed from its belly, smearing all over the deck. The humans dove for cover.
    “Dude!” Corey Brandt shouted, not very helpfully.
    “We’ve got a shark on board,” Dr. Navel announced from the steering wheel at the back of the boat. “And an octopus.”
    “We noticed!” Celia yelled.
    “Don’t panic!” yelled their father.
    “Keep it down, down there!” yelled Twitchy Bart from high above in the mast. “I’m trying to sleep.”
    “I don’t get paid enough for this,” said Bonnie. She turned around and went back to her bunk to sleep.

     

     
    “Don’t worry, kids,” said Big Bart, putting his massive arms around Corey, Oliver, and Celia. “I’m here to help. Just tell me what to do.”
    “How should we know?” objected Oliver. “We’re eleven!”
    “And a half!” Celia added.
    “Well.” Big Bart turned to