Free We Give a Squid a Wedgie by C. Alexander London Page B

Pants products are the first ones ever to earn the Corey Brandt seal of—”
    “Guys!” Celia called out. “Shark? Octopus?”
    “Right,” Corey called back to her. “Sorry, Celia.”
    “It’s no problem,” Celia said. “I just, you know, thought I’d remind you.”
    “It’s no problem, Corey … you’re so dreamy … ,” Oliver muttered, mimicking his ­sister under his breath. She frowned at him and flicked his ear. “Ouch,” he said.
    “Okay!” Corey said. “Big Bart, you can take the … uh … shark, and I’ll handle the octopus.”
    “Sure.” Big Bart grunted. He called to Oliver and Celia. “When the shark is docile, you two start untangling it!”
    “Docile?” Oliver asked.
    “Easy to control,” said Celia. “You should know that one.”
    “Hey,” he objected, but just then Big Bart pounced onto the shark, pressing it down with the full weight of his body. He was trying to roll it onto its back with one hand while rubbing its nose with his other hand. Corey hesitated; a flicker of doubt crossed his face. Then the shark snapped at him and he dodged it. The jaw slammed into the deck of the boat with a
crunch
. Corey leaped out of the way and dove forward to catch the octopus. As soon as he landed on it, it slipped out from under him and slithered onto his back. He turned to catch it, but he found himself lifted into the air.
    “Ow!” he yelled as his feet left the deck. The octopus wrapped one tentacle around his waist, while another pulled at his legs.
    “This thing is giving me a killer wedgie!” Corey yelled. “K-I-L-L—ow!”
    “See?” Oliver pointed.
    “My pants!” Corey cried. “The wedgie-proofing doesn’t work! The wedgie! It’s terrible!”
    “What should we do?” Celia shouted.
    “I dunno,” said Oliver. “I never watched a show about octopuses giving wedgies!”
    “Octopi!” Celia yelled. “What about
Squid Whisperer
?”
    “That’s about squid! They’re different!”
    “Corey,” Celia yelled at him. “Rub the nose!”
    “Where’s the nose?” Corey shouted back.
    Oliver and Celia looked at each other and shrugged.
    The octopus had wrapped another arm around Corey’s head. Every time he tried to grab its body, the octopus slipped out of his grasp.
    The shark, meanwhile, was resting calmly as Big Bart rubbed its nose. Corey wished he’d chosen the shark.
    “Watch out!” Celia shouted as a tentacle whipped around at Oliver. He jumped just in time.
    “Help,” Corey croaked as the octopus started to move toward the edge of the boat, dragging the teen heartthrob with it.
    Celia and Oliver sprang into action. Without a word to each other, they both leaped at the oc­topus. Sometimes it was nice having a twin. Oliver was glad to have his sister back on his side.Celia was glad her brother wasn’t being a jerk ­anymore.
    They grabbed at the creature’s arms, trying to pull Corey free. Every time they grabbed onto it, the octopus seemed to change shape and slip free.
    “Ow!” Oliver yelled as the octopus hoisted him into the air by his pants. “Not again!”
    “Oliver, you’ve got to—” Celia started, but the octopus caught her too. Its sharp beak was chewing on her hair and it started to pull all three of them off the boat.
    They heard a splash as Big Bart rolled the shark back into the water.
    “Help!” Celia yelled.
    Suddenly the octopus dropped her. She hit the deck with a thud. Oliver and Corey fell after her. They looked up to see Dennis pecking at the ­octopus’s head.
    “Bwak! Bwak!” Dennis clucked and squawked as all eight arms of the sea creature flailed around him.
    “Dennis!” Big Bart yelled, charging forward and landing one hard kick right at the octopus. It flew through the air, arcing high into the night, and splashing back into the inky-black ocean. Theysaw its dark shape dart away under the water, probably just as relieved to be off the boat as they were to have it gone.
    “I played kicker in high school