Free Wrestling With Desire by D.H. Starr
Authors: D.H. Starr
Iowa.
There's something about you that is...I don't know what the word is, but I want you to know that I think you are really cool."
No one had ever spoken to him with such raw honesty.
Ever. Not his parents or Beck. No one. Scott hadn't been silent because of him at all. He had been thinking of how he could tell Derek how much he liked him. Derek had worked himself into a state of panic for nothing.
Hearing Scott's words, the intensity behind them, caused his body to betray him for the fourth time that day. At least this time he could use the motion of closing his locker and leaning against the wall as camouflage for adjusting himself.
"I find it easy to do nice things for people." Derek winced internally. That wasn't what he wanted to say and it wasn't even particularly true. "Besides, I like you Scott. I think we have a lot in common." That was what he had meant to say and now that it was said he wished he could take it back. So much for being careful and keeping my guard up.
69
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Scott's smile returned to his face, one corner of his mouth slightly higher than the other and that cute dimple peering out at him from Scott's cheek. "I'm glad you understand what I'm trying to say. I was worried that I might make you feel..."
"Awkward?" Derek suggested.
A single laugh escaped Scott's mouth. "Yeah. Did it?"
The question took Derek by surprise. He's as concerned about my reactions as I am about his. Somehow the knowledge emboldened him. "No, it didn't. I like that you aren't afraid to say what's on your mind."
Scott closed his locker and the two of them headed towards their fifth period class. Scott's cheerful nature had returned and his voice was light and animated. "Hey, I know I'm seeing you in history, but you want to go running again after school today? I brought my stuff with me just in case."
Derek had completely forgotten that he had brought his running clothes to school as well. The fact that Scott had asked first, had been thinking about him the night before and had planned to ask him to go running, sent him soaring.
Somehow, he managed to sound casual in his response. "So did I. That would be great."
During fifth period Latin, Derek considered the mixture of thoughts that were circulating in his head. He was stunned at the effect Scott had on people. Meeting others, opening up, fitting in...it was all so natural to him. And Scott had a way of expressing his feelings without sounding like a freak. Derek had tons of feelings, but he never knew how to get them out of his head. Scott put into words how Derek felt but was unable to say. Then there was Power's question about 70
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
whether Scott had left a girl back in Iowa. That was exactly the question Derek wanted to have answered and Scott had deftly skirted it without making himself look like a jerk and without giving the slightest hint of an answer.
And finally, there was what he had said at the lockers.
Derek had never in his life felt so special, so important. That Scott thought so highly of him. Derek pushed his thoughts from his mind and focused on the teacher. There was only one thing that mattered. Scott was a great guy and liked spending time with him. Analyzing Scott to death would not help Derek's nerves and wouldn't give him the answers he needed.
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71
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 5
A month later, Derek felt no closer to figuring things out with Scott than he had on that first day. They had fallen into a routine; a pattern of simple actions and behaviors that they could count on each day. They still ran after school most days, although Scott had taken to working out with the guys on the team a couple days a week. They always ate lunch together, but Derek couldn't get a read on Scott when surrounded by all of their friends.
"So, Bryce and I were rehearsing a dance number for the closing scene. Bryce is playing the part of
There's something about you that is...I don't know what the word is, but I want you to know that I think you are really cool."
No one had ever spoken to him with such raw honesty.
Ever. Not his parents or Beck. No one. Scott hadn't been silent because of him at all. He had been thinking of how he could tell Derek how much he liked him. Derek had worked himself into a state of panic for nothing.
Hearing Scott's words, the intensity behind them, caused his body to betray him for the fourth time that day. At least this time he could use the motion of closing his locker and leaning against the wall as camouflage for adjusting himself.
"I find it easy to do nice things for people." Derek winced internally. That wasn't what he wanted to say and it wasn't even particularly true. "Besides, I like you Scott. I think we have a lot in common." That was what he had meant to say and now that it was said he wished he could take it back. So much for being careful and keeping my guard up.
69
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Scott's smile returned to his face, one corner of his mouth slightly higher than the other and that cute dimple peering out at him from Scott's cheek. "I'm glad you understand what I'm trying to say. I was worried that I might make you feel..."
"Awkward?" Derek suggested.
A single laugh escaped Scott's mouth. "Yeah. Did it?"
The question took Derek by surprise. He's as concerned about my reactions as I am about his. Somehow the knowledge emboldened him. "No, it didn't. I like that you aren't afraid to say what's on your mind."
Scott closed his locker and the two of them headed towards their fifth period class. Scott's cheerful nature had returned and his voice was light and animated. "Hey, I know I'm seeing you in history, but you want to go running again after school today? I brought my stuff with me just in case."
Derek had completely forgotten that he had brought his running clothes to school as well. The fact that Scott had asked first, had been thinking about him the night before and had planned to ask him to go running, sent him soaring.
Somehow, he managed to sound casual in his response. "So did I. That would be great."
During fifth period Latin, Derek considered the mixture of thoughts that were circulating in his head. He was stunned at the effect Scott had on people. Meeting others, opening up, fitting in...it was all so natural to him. And Scott had a way of expressing his feelings without sounding like a freak. Derek had tons of feelings, but he never knew how to get them out of his head. Scott put into words how Derek felt but was unable to say. Then there was Power's question about 70
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
whether Scott had left a girl back in Iowa. That was exactly the question Derek wanted to have answered and Scott had deftly skirted it without making himself look like a jerk and without giving the slightest hint of an answer.
And finally, there was what he had said at the lockers.
Derek had never in his life felt so special, so important. That Scott thought so highly of him. Derek pushed his thoughts from his mind and focused on the teacher. There was only one thing that mattered. Scott was a great guy and liked spending time with him. Analyzing Scott to death would not help Derek's nerves and wouldn't give him the answers he needed.
[Back to Table of Contents]
71
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 5
A month later, Derek felt no closer to figuring things out with Scott than he had on that first day. They had fallen into a routine; a pattern of simple actions and behaviors that they could count on each day. They still ran after school most days, although Scott had taken to working out with the guys on the team a couple days a week. They always ate lunch together, but Derek couldn't get a read on Scott when surrounded by all of their friends.
"So, Bryce and I were rehearsing a dance number for the closing scene. Bryce is playing the part of
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