Free Loving Lena by S. J. Nelson

Chapter 1
    Lena Pace hid in her bathroom. For the hundredth time, she wondered what she was doing. Why had she given in to her wacky needs and left the club with the hunky man waiting in her room? Turning on the water, she looked at herself in the mirror. According to Faye, her best friend, she still looked like the fresh faced eighteen-year-old who’d run the streets of Denver five years ago. However, Lena knew better. Her sham of a marriage had left its mark even if her outer appearance didn’t tell the tale, her memory box wouldn’t allow her to forget. Her cynicism was in full bloom.
    “You okay in there?” The soft knock snapped her out of her musings.
    “Yeah, I’m good. Just need a few more minutes.” Head hanging forward, she pushed the long dark strands from her face and swallowed hard. This was no way to live, checking closets or medicine cabinets, double guessing every word or gesture. Standing straight in the spotless room, she grimaced at her fingernails. An hour ago, they’d been holding this man’s cheeks, pulling him tight as he pounded into her. It’d been fantastic and had almost silenced the fears, the doubts. Almost , being the key word.
    “I’ve got to get going. I have an appointment. Want to get together for lunch?” He said through the door, his voice hopeful. The foul taste of regret stung her mouth and singed her nostrils. She couldn’t remember his name. Her new mantra, get what you need and then let them go. That way she was guaranteed against being humiliated again. Still, this wasn't working. She had to stop.
    “I have a meeting with the Principal at the school this afternoon.” She lied, not intending to see him again. He waited a heartbeat.
    “Oh, okay. I’ll call you later then.” Her forehead touched the wall as she waited for the pain to stop. When he left, she slid to the floor, opened the bottom drawer of the vanity, and pulled out one of the damning letters. The parchment that had fractured her self esteem and destroyed her confidence in her ability to discern fact from fiction appeared wrinkled and worn from many readings. She kept them all as reminders of what happens when you believe the hype. As reminders that men couldn’t be trusted. Moreover, as a reminder to be vigilant and never get sucker-punched again. Fool me once, forget it happening a second time. Bracing herself, she gazed at the short missive.
    Dear Lena:
    Your attorney won't give out any information on your whereabouts, and after my dad hit you, I can't blame you. First, I want to say I am sorry. Sorry that I've failed you as a husband, and as your spiritual leader and Pastor. The day you walked in on Anthony and I, my life stopped. You said I'd wasted five years of your life. That I was incapable of ever loving you the way a man loves a woman. I guess you believe that based on what you saw in the bedroom that day, but you are wrong. I love you. Have always loved you.
    You are the bright beam in my dreary existence. Every since I was a little boy, I'd been told I was special, that God's hand was on my life. Consequently, my life consisted of church and preparing for my own church and little else. I was never allowed to play sports and have no interest or love for them. I had no friends outside of church members. I needed to remain pure. I had no idea what happened between a man and a woman. God was supposed to teach me when the time was right. You see how that turned out.
    I came to you as a man, but I didn’t know how to be a husband. I'm not sure I know how to be one now. But, I'm willing to try. Meeting you was the highlight of an otherwise bleak existence. You were my first in so many things, and I will always treasure the time with you. I know these sound like excuses, but I’ve been trying to figure out why we're at this difficult place in our lives.
    You deserve the best this world has to offer, and I messed up. You are beautiful inside and out. I understand you want nothing to do with my