Free Loved - A Novel by Kimberly Novosel Page A

looking for me, she should tell them that I had just left, and then call me at Chase’s and let me know that I was supposedly on my way home, at which point I would leave.
                  Struck with sudden conviction, I drove as quickly as the bad weather would allow, white knuckles on the wheel. I drove through the swirling and dangerous blizzard straight to Chase’s house, where he welcomed me, tired, teary-eyed, and shivering into his warm arms. For those few stolen hours together, we were absolutely blissful. He held me and kissed me and everything was as it should be. I hadn’t lost him. He was still here and he felt like home. I could hardly wait for us to be able to sleep in bed together, to brush our teeth together, and to argue over which movie to rent at Blockbuster. I pictured us living in a small apartment in the city with exposed brick walls. We would have a bed on the floor and hardly any other furniture. There would be stacks of books and CDs in every corner, and the bed would never be made. There would be so much love in our little life together.             
                  My cell phone rang and propelled me back to reality.  My parents had called looking for me, and Brian had been frantically trying to reach me to let me know that the plane had made an emergency landing in East Tennessee because of the storm. He had to stay the night in a hotel near the airport. I felt like a horrible person. My boyfriend was stranded in the snow and I was safe and warm in another man’s arms.  But I never felt like I was being unfair to Brian. It felt like I was being unfair to Chase and to myself by dating Brian. I was Chase’s and he was mine. I knew it should have felt worse than it did, but my happiness from the fact that Chase still loved me kept the guilt at bay.
     
                  A letter came and in it, Chase called me Kim. He said he didn’t think this was a good idea, that it should be all or nothing and we had chosen nothing. He was right, we had—I had—yet I was hurt.  Even after what had happened on New Year’s Day, he was not willing to let me in and if he wouldn’t have me back, I might as well stay with Brian. If Chase wasn’t right for me, I would find a way to move on.
                  I rationalized that I was just being a silly little girl, thinking love was something sweeping and magical. I figured this was the way things were supposed to be and it was about time I grew up and thought logically about my future.
     
     
                  February 2002.
                  It was Valentine’s Day. I hadn’t been feeling well that week so I was napping after class when Brian came in and woke me up. 
    “Hey baby! I have something for you. Open this in a few minutes, okay?”  He put a card on my desk and he left.
    I was groggy from a deep sleep and had to force myself to get up and put on a sweatshirt. I opened the card, which said how much he loved me and to meet him in the Business Center. I brought the card with me and made my way across campus.
                  The school building was dark and quiet. I looked around the lobby thinking Brian would be waiting there for me but instead there was another card telling me to go to the fourth floor.
                  I reached the 4th floor and found a card leading me to the classroom where we had first met. The card he had taped to the classroom door said to knock. I knocked twice. I could tell through the small window in the wooden door that the room was lit by candles. Brian opened the door revealing the classroom sprinkled with rose petals. Music was playing on a stereo and Brian was holding a red box. I started shaking. He had me open the box, in which a black velvet ring box sat on a bed of more rose petals. Suddenly he was on his knee and he was saying something to me but I couldn’t hear the words.
    “Yes!” I said.
    I believed my