Free Susanna's Christmas Wish by Jerry S. Eicher Page B
Authors: Jerry S. Eicher
jam—blackberry. His mom’s recipe and quite delicious. As gut as any they’d ever made at home, she had to admit.
Taking the basement stairs two at a time, Susanna brought up a jug of apple cider. One of the few she had brought from home after the wedding. This was a special occasion. She would replenish their supply the next time she was at the market in Kalona.
Surely Herman would be in soon. Taking slow steps back to the living-room window, she peered out. The barn was still dark, but Herman had to be out there somewhere. Did she dare go after him? She had to. She couldn’t wait and let the food get cold.
He was probably waiting for her anyway, brokenhearted, thinking she was still in love with Matthew. And that wasn’t true at all. She was in love with him, with Herman. Even in the middle of this wild kafuffle . Matthew had never been real. She was seeing that more clearly all the time.
Opening the front door, Susanna ran across the lawn. The barn was dark when she pushed open the door and stepped inside. Peering into the darkness, she could see nothing. She needed a flashlight. Herman might be in the hayloft, and there was no sense in her making things worse by breaking her legs getting up to him.
Perhaps if she would call, he would answer. “Herman!” she yelled, her voice squeaking. “Herman!” She tried again, louder this time. But there was still no answer. She felt her way around the barn with her hands.
“Herman! It’s Susanna. I’m sorry…I wasn’t trying to ignore you in the house.”
Bruce banged in his stall, recognizing her voice, but the rest of the place held only silence.
I can’t go on without hurting myself, Susanna decided. She felt her way back to the barn door and raced toward the house; almost tripping on the porch steps but catching herself in time. A skinned knee was all she needed now. Blood running down her leg at a time like this.
Finding the flashlight in the washroom, she ran back to the barn and searched. Herman wasn’t on the main floor of the barn, so he must be in the hayloft. Taking her time she climbed up, sending the flashlight beam all around the stacked hay bales. No Herman. Perhaps he is sitting behind the stacks, his heart too broken to speak?
Climbing all the way up she searched. No Herman. She went down and out to the silo. No Herman. He was gone, no question about it. Cold stabs of fear ran up and down her back. Her fingers felt frozen as she clutched the flashlight. Out in the yard she shined the light around the barnyard. What had she missed? Was there someplace else Herman could be?
There wasn’t. And here she was acting like he was some lost child she had to find. He wasn’t a child. Herman was a man, her husband, and he was gone. Should she run up to Bishop Jacob’s place? If she did, they would all look at her with pity. Only married for a few weeks, they would think, and already quarreling with each other.
They wouldn’t come to help find Herman because Herman wasn’t lost. He had left because he wanted to leave. She had to face that, no matter how much it hurt. She went back into the house. The casserole had cooled. The popcorn stared back at her from the place by the stove, accusing her: “You chased your husband off…”
“I did not,” she whispered. “I did not! I love him, and he loves me.”
Then why is Herman out there somewhere, and you are in the house alone? The food didn’t have to ask the question this time. She asked it herself.
Walking into the living room she sat down and buried her face in her hands. There had to be something she could do. Search the woods perhaps. Call his name again and again. When she found him she’d tell Herman she loved him. That they could work through this. That she didn’t have a desire for things to have worked out with Matthew. That her time and marriage with Herman was so much better.
But Herman wasn’t listening right now. Would he listen in the future…once he came back in from
Taking the basement stairs two at a time, Susanna brought up a jug of apple cider. One of the few she had brought from home after the wedding. This was a special occasion. She would replenish their supply the next time she was at the market in Kalona.
Surely Herman would be in soon. Taking slow steps back to the living-room window, she peered out. The barn was still dark, but Herman had to be out there somewhere. Did she dare go after him? She had to. She couldn’t wait and let the food get cold.
He was probably waiting for her anyway, brokenhearted, thinking she was still in love with Matthew. And that wasn’t true at all. She was in love with him, with Herman. Even in the middle of this wild kafuffle . Matthew had never been real. She was seeing that more clearly all the time.
Opening the front door, Susanna ran across the lawn. The barn was dark when she pushed open the door and stepped inside. Peering into the darkness, she could see nothing. She needed a flashlight. Herman might be in the hayloft, and there was no sense in her making things worse by breaking her legs getting up to him.
Perhaps if she would call, he would answer. “Herman!” she yelled, her voice squeaking. “Herman!” She tried again, louder this time. But there was still no answer. She felt her way around the barn with her hands.
“Herman! It’s Susanna. I’m sorry…I wasn’t trying to ignore you in the house.”
Bruce banged in his stall, recognizing her voice, but the rest of the place held only silence.
I can’t go on without hurting myself, Susanna decided. She felt her way back to the barn door and raced toward the house; almost tripping on the porch steps but catching herself in time. A skinned knee was all she needed now. Blood running down her leg at a time like this.
Finding the flashlight in the washroom, she ran back to the barn and searched. Herman wasn’t on the main floor of the barn, so he must be in the hayloft. Taking her time she climbed up, sending the flashlight beam all around the stacked hay bales. No Herman. Perhaps he is sitting behind the stacks, his heart too broken to speak?
Climbing all the way up she searched. No Herman. She went down and out to the silo. No Herman. He was gone, no question about it. Cold stabs of fear ran up and down her back. Her fingers felt frozen as she clutched the flashlight. Out in the yard she shined the light around the barnyard. What had she missed? Was there someplace else Herman could be?
There wasn’t. And here she was acting like he was some lost child she had to find. He wasn’t a child. Herman was a man, her husband, and he was gone. Should she run up to Bishop Jacob’s place? If she did, they would all look at her with pity. Only married for a few weeks, they would think, and already quarreling with each other.
They wouldn’t come to help find Herman because Herman wasn’t lost. He had left because he wanted to leave. She had to face that, no matter how much it hurt. She went back into the house. The casserole had cooled. The popcorn stared back at her from the place by the stove, accusing her: “You chased your husband off…”
“I did not,” she whispered. “I did not! I love him, and he loves me.”
Then why is Herman out there somewhere, and you are in the house alone? The food didn’t have to ask the question this time. She asked it herself.
Walking into the living room she sat down and buried her face in her hands. There had to be something she could do. Search the woods perhaps. Call his name again and again. When she found him she’d tell Herman she loved him. That they could work through this. That she didn’t have a desire for things to have worked out with Matthew. That her time and marriage with Herman was so much better.
But Herman wasn’t listening right now. Would he listen in the future…once he came back in from