Free Susanna's Christmas Wish by Jerry S. Eicher

heave, he threw another one and then another one. This time the strings burst and hay flew everywhere, blocking the chute.
    “Stupid,” he muttered to himself. “You’ve never acted like this before.”
    But then he had never been married to a wunderbah woman like Susanna, who apparently had a lot of secrets in her life. He was growing into a jealous man, which wasn’t what he wanted at all. Yet the hurt around his heart was growing worse. And the more he thought about Matthew and Susanna, the greater the pain.
    And she had made the ring of flowers for Matthew after he asked her to wed him. Of course, that was perfectly natural for Susanna. She had no way of knowing Matthew wasn’t who he said he was. But she had never made one for him, even after he asked her to wed. She hadn’t done anything like that.
    Pushing the hay out of the ladder chute with his hands, Herman dug his way through. Coughing from the dust and knocking his hat off, he jumped part of the way down. Slapping off the worst of the hay, he picked up his hat and walked toward the barn door. Once outside he took quick steps across the lawn. Susanna had the gas lantern burning in the living room even though it wasn’t quite dark yet. She meant it as a welcome sign, and a smile crept across his face. He had to stop this worrying. Susanna would make popcorn tonight. Maybe he could talk her into adding caramel as a special treat. For what, he wasn’t quite sure—maybe for surviving encountering Matthew today and still loving each other.
    Thankfully he hadn’t spoken harsh words to her on the way home. He had tried to speak gently even though his heart was throbbing with the memory of Matthew’s words. And he would never tell her what he knew. It wasn’t necessary. He would trust Susanna. Her love for him was as real as his was for her.
    With a broad smile on his face he opened the front door, the light flooding his face. Stepping inside he looked around, seeing no one. Where was Susanna, he wondered. Hearing a muffled sound from the kitchen, he hurried in that direction.
    Susanna was sitting at the kitchen table, staring out of the window, and sobbing with great choking sounds.
    She wasn’t waiting for him. Nee , she too was full of memories. No doubt memories of Matthew. Seeing him today had brought them rushing back. Surely that was the cause of her tears now. As he retreated a step, Susanna must have heard and turned to face him, her handkerchief clutched in her hand.
    “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
    She said nothing, the tears still running.
    Herman turned and beat a hasty retreat back to the barn.

Ten
    S usanna sobbed as the sound of the front door closing hung in the house for long moments. At least Herman hadn’t slammed the door. Wasn’t that what men did when they were really angry? Herman hadn’t looked angry at all. More heartbroken than anything, she decided. And that was why she should be running after him right now. She should have jumped to her feet when he came to the kitchen doorway, but her feet had been stuck to the floor.
    The turmoil was too much. Matthew’s return. Matthew wanting to speak to her. Matthew talking to Herman. And likely now Herman knowing more than she had ever planned on telling him.
    Matthew had told him about the ring of flowers. And if that had been said, a lot more had probably been said. She had only to think about the long time Herman had stayed out in the barn to know that…and how disturbed Herman had looked on the ride home.
    Why didn’t she respond to Herman a moment ago? For the first time since their wedding, she hadn’t rushed into his arms. Had she done something wrong today? Nee . Not even back in the days when she was so in love with Matthew. She had done nothing wrong. Her feelings had been real, and in some ways still were. Was that the problem?
    Yah , it was. But what was she supposed to do about that? If only Matthew hadn’t come along right now she would have been okay. She had been