Free Cure for the Common Universe by Christian McKay Heidicker Page B

might as well learn how the darned things work.” He taught us about transistors as we soldered tiny bits of metal onto circuit boards.
    â€œWhat game is this?” Meeki asked, waving one in the air.
    â€œActually, that’s a calculator chip,” G-man said.
    After that, I watched her solder 80085 onto her board.
    +2,000 points
    When the chickadee chirped at noon, I dragged myself to the Feed. I was exhausted. I felt like dying. I did not die. Instead I filled my tray with zero-point foods and joined the Fury Burds table.
    â€œCheap highs, like shopping and sugar and epic loot, don’t last,” Fezzik said. “They’re like a star in Super Mario Bros. You may feel invincible for a brief period, but after the comedown, you’ll be just as vulnerable as before, if not more so.”
    I avoided the guild leader’s eyes as I scarfed down mashed potatoes and chocolate milk. I realized I was doing exactly what he was warning us against, but I was starving and needed the energy for “sports in the Coliseum.”
    â€œHow goes the adventure, Miles?” Fezzik asked.
    â€œFine,” I said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
    â€œAurora, you’re a third tier,” he said. “Any advice for the new player?”
    â€œUm,” she said. “Don’t burn yourself out trying to get home too soon.”
    She slid her fingers next to my lunch tray. Her knuckles were scabbed and swollen.
    â€œToo much cross-stitching,” she said.
    â€œDon’t have to worry about that,” I said, taking another bite.
    â€œNope!” Soup said, and winked at me.
    I subtly shook my head at him.
    â€œ. . . and that’s why Last of Us sucks,” a voice said. “Except when the chicks make out, of course.”
    Scarecrow passed our table, his arm around a girl who giggled and playfully pushed him away.
    â€œHe’s such a douche bag,” Meeki said.
    Aurora nodded.
    â€œLanguage, Meeki,” Fezzik said.
    â€œSorry,” Meeki said. “He’s a device that cleans out vaginas.”
    Fezzik didn’t argue with that.
    The tension in my chest uncoiled a bit. It’s not so bad when the person who mysteriously hates you is widely considered a douche bag.
    â€œI don’t know what Dorothy sees in him,” Aurora said, looking after Scarecrow and the girl.
    â€œTheir player names are Scarecrow and Dorothy ?” I asked.
    â€œThe other two Cheefs call themselves Lion and Tin Man,”Fezzik said, pointing toward the bigger guys, who’d lapped me on the racetrack—twice. “They changed their player names together last week.”
    Great. My mysterious archnemesis was the leader of a Yellow Brick Road gang.
    Someone sat and collapsed onto the table next to me.
    â€œHow’s the dream world, Zxzord?” Fezzik asked.
    Zxzord kept his head hidden in his arms. “I’ve been shitting the La Brea Tar Pits all morning.”
    Fezzik made his uncomfortable Wookiee sound.
    Aurora reached under her tongue and inexplicably offered Zxzord a pearl.
    â€¢Â Â â€¢Â Â â€¢
    â€œPaint what inspires you in the real world,” the Sefiroths’ silver-haired guild leader said in the paintbrush room. The walls were covered with hideous watercolors.
    Meeki painted armor. Aurora painted stars. Soup sat too close, as usual, and painted what looked like a chubby kid trapped in a Pokéball.
    â€œThat better not be me,” I told him.
    He slowly slid it off the table and crumpled it.
    By the end of class, there was a hideous watercolor portrait on the wall—a dripping, smiling, black-haired stick figure, standing at what might have been a car wash.

Ragdoll Physics
    I have been a hero.
    I have hefted my axe and climbed the jagged mountaintop. A blizzard lashed my armor as I approached a behemoth that vomited venomous lava onto any who tried to steal its treasure. I have stared that demon in its eyes of