Free Ivanov by ANTON CHEKHOV Page A

I’ve heard all this before, I’ve heard it a thousand times and I’m fed up with hearing it. Go to church, you’re keeping everyone waiting.
    Ivanov No, I’m going home now, and you can tell everybody the wedding is off. Explain it any way you like. But we have to come to our senses. This provincial performance of a hand-me-down Hamlet and his awestruck disciple –
    Sasha ( flaring up )Is that a way to talk to me now? I won’t listen.
    Ivanov Yes you will, and I’m not finished.
    Sasha Oh, why did you come? You’re making me ridiculous with your moaning and groaning.
    Ivanov I’m done with complaining, but yes, I want you to see you’re ridiculous, and I wish I could make myself a thousand times more ridiculous, make myself a laughing stock to the whole world. When I saw myself in themirror it was like a shell exploding in my conscience. I started to laugh; I nearly went out of my mind with shame. ( Laughs. )The melancholy Dane! ‘What a noble mind is here o’erthrown!’ ‘I have of late, wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth.’ The only thing missing is writing rotten poetry. Well, I’ve done with that – the griping and whining about my wasted life that’s all gone to seed and rust, up to my neck in sick-hearted morbid misery while the sun shines and even an ant dragging its load is content – it’s not for me, not any more; to be seen as a fraud by some, as a mental case by others, and by others yet – this is the worst thing – who think there’s matter in these sighs and look at me as though I’m a Messiah about to reveal a new religion . . . No thanks very much: I kept laughing at myself all the way here, and the birds seemed to be laughing at me too, even the trees . . .
    Sasha This isn’t anger, it’s a nervous breakdown.
    Ivanov No, Ihaven’t lost my mind, it’s as clear as your conscience. We love each other, but there’ll be no wedding. I poisoned my wife’s last year. While you’ve been engaged to me, you’ve forgotten how to smile, and you look five years older. Your father used to see life so plain, and now, thanks to me, it’s got him completely baffled. No, don’t interrupt. I sound vicious because I’m furious with myself and I don’t know how to sound any different. I never used to blame life for my problems, but since I started bitching about everything, without thinking or even noticing I’ve begun to curse life, and everyone around me is infected with the same disgust and has started cursing it too. What a wonderful attitude! – as if I were doing life a favour by going on living. So to hell with me!
    Sasha Stop . . . Listen to what you’ve been saying! You’re now tired of complaining and you’re ready to start a new life! That’s good!
    Ivanov What’s good about it? What new life? I’m spent. Done for. It’s time we both understood that. A new life!
    Sasha Nikolay, get hold of yourself! Who says you’re done for? Don’t be so defeatist! No – enough talk – I’m not listening. Go to church!
    Ivanov Itell you I’m finished!
    Sasha Stop shouting, the guests will hear you.
    Ivanov When an intelligent, educated, healthy man begins to fall apart for no reason and starts on the downhill slide, he’s going to slide till he hits bottom and there’s no saving him. What could I grab hold of? I can’t drink for courage – it gives me a headache. Write rotten verses? – don’t know how. Make an icon of my spiritual despair and my idleness and convince myself it’s rather noble? I can’t do it. Idleness is idleness, weakness is weakness, I don’t have any other names for them. It’s over for me, all over, and that’s that. ( Looks round. )They’ll come back in a minute. Listen. If you love me, help me. This minute. Break off our engagement. Give me up. Be quick.
    Sasha Oh, Nikolay, you don’t know how you’ve tired me out. Is it fair to put all this on me? There’s not a day that you don’t ask something of me, some task, each one harder than the