Free Bream Gives Me Hiccups by Jesse Eisenberg Page B

incident.) In light of these sobering thoughts, I actually do think a breakup between you and my brother, not dissimilar to the former Yugoslavia, is coming. While I would love to see you two stay together, the world knew that, without Tito, Yugoslavia would never maintain stability and, without real understanding, you and my brother are likely doomed. And, in an attempt to avoid another Srebrenića, I think a peaceful breakup would be best.
    Frankly, the last thing I would want to do is what the United States did under Clinton, which we both know was too little and too late. In that way, I think that maybe you and my brother should part ways before the fighting becomes even more violent than it already is. I wish you the best with your upcoming recital and I will relay our decision to my brother, who will most likely not attend it now that you two are no longer together.
    AMY: Dear Kendra, thank you for your sensitive remarks and for not being a bitch like I was worried you might be. I look forward to meeting you in person ;-) even if it means going behind your brothers back (Karađorđevo Round 2? JK). Although, just to make sure things don’t get too heated, we should probably meet with a mediator like former Assistant Secretary of State Richard Holbrooke! lol!
    KENDRA: Right! Or Slovak diplomat Miroslav Lajčák! So we don’t wind up with another ViÅ¡egrad!
    AMY: Or worse, Foča!
    KENDRA: LMFAO!
    AMY: ;-) Have a great summer Kendra.
    KENDRA: You too.

    1 . John F. Burns, “Serbian Plan Would Deny the Muslims Any State,” New York Times , July 18, 1993.
    2 . “Sud: Darko Petričić nije oklevetao Stjepana Mesića,” Slobodna Dalmacija , March 29, 2012.

MY PRESCRIPTION INFORMATION PAMPHLETS AS WRITTEN BY MY FATHER
    BRAND NAME: Ativan
    GENERIC NAME: Lorazepam ( lor-A-ze-pam )
    CLASS: Anti-anxiety/Sleep Aid
    COMMON USE: This medication was prescribed by your doctor to help you sleep because it’s difficult to fall asleep when you don’t engage in physical activity.
    SIDE EFFECTS: May cause fatigue, though this probably won’t affect your schedule.
    IN CASE OF OVERDOSE: Drink several ounces of water, which comes out of the faucet and could also be used to wash dishes.
    BRAND NAME: Adderall
    GENERIC NAME: Amphetamine and Dextroamphetamine ( am-FET-a-meen and DEX-troe-am-FET-a-meen )
    CLASS: Stimulant
    COMMON USE: This medication was overprescribed by your doctor because he’s paid by the pharmaceutical industry to overprescribe this to you. Do you know how many people were on Adderall in the last four years? Thirty-seven million! That’s two million more people than the entire population of Canada—a country that, not incidentally, banned Adderall! It’s legal to smoke Marijuana in Canada (and I know you have; your sister told me that you smoked Marijuana with your friend Peter Jaworski when he was at McGill), but Adderall is illegal!
    SIDE EFFECTS: May be habit forming. In the same way lateness, dressing like a teenager, and not sending your mother birthday cards has become habit forming.
    IN CASE OF OVERDOSE: Taking any amount of is medication is an overdose.
    BRAND NAME: Zoloft
    GENERIC NAME: Sertraline ( SER-tra-leen )
    CLASS: Antidepressant/Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor
    COMMON USE: This medication was prescribed by your doctor because you probably told him about the time I threw the alarm clock at the wall and accidentally hit you in the head. I was throwing it AT THE WALL! I had a terribleday; a man is allowed to throw things in his own home. I have apologized that it accidentally hit you in the head— a fact I don’t dispute—but you should apologize for this constant, frankly self-aggrandizing and self-pitying claim of child abuse that never existed. You’re not happy? Who’s happy? Why does everyone in this country think a pill will make them happy? Did you know that China is now producing more doctors and engineers