Free Bream Gives Me Hiccups by Jesse Eisenberg

too. ;-) I’ve been feeling so frustrated about the whole thing. Thanks for trying to help.
    KENDRA: My pleasure. I’d like to share something with youthat I wish someone shared with me when I was your age. I think it might help illuminate some of the more complicated aspects of your relationship. The situation reminds me of a little historical blip called the Karađorđevo agreement. I imagine this may be a new reference for you so let me give you a little backstory.
    In 1991, Bosnia, Serbia, and Croatia were preparing for war. Bosnia, led by the toothless Alija Izetbegović, was the weakest country and doomed to be overrun. Nonetheless, on March 25, 1991, the leaders of Croatia and Serbia met privately to discuss how they would carve up Bosnia. That’s right. Behind the broken backs of the Bosnians, the Croatian and Serbian heads of state decided how Bosnia would be divided. Shocked? It gets worse.
    Serbia, as you probably know, was represented by the vile Slobodan MiloÅ¡ević. Croatia was represented by the comparatively less ferocious President Franjo Tuđman. At Karađorđevo, these conspirators secretly agreed how they would overrun the helpless Izetbegović and his Bosnian Muslims and thus began a campaign of ethnic cleansing. I think, judging from your exchanges with my brother these past weeks, the Karađorđevo agreement is a fitting analogy to our situation. Let me explain the parallels, in case they don’t seem immediately evident:
    Clearly, my brother is Bosnian leader Alija Izetbegović, stuck in the dark while his fate is decided in private backroom deals by others: namely you and Paolo. Their crime? Not being present: Izetbegović, isolated inthe boiling Sarajevan valley. My brother, mowing lawns in the suburbs of New Jersey.
    While I am not equating you with MiloÅ¡ević (and I will get to him later), I do think your actions are reminiscent of Croatia’s (weak) strongman Franjo Tuđman. He was, for all intents and purposes, a patsy. Was he evil? History will be the best judge, but I would say Not Necessarily. Still, he was certainly not innocent. Likely bullied by the stronger MiloÅ¡ević, Tuđman conspired as well, hatching the evil plot to carve up Bosnia. Whether you consider him an appeaser or a butcher, he certainly did nothing to help the poor Bosnians and nothing to stop the ruthless MiloÅ¡ević.
    How do I think you are similar to Tuđman? Your increasingly intimate trysts with this Paolo character read like a crime of passivity. From ice cream sundaes at TGI Fridays to last night’s party at “Paolo’s room,” you are carving Bosnia up one “innocent” interaction at a time. Just like Tuđman, you are complying with a plot that is far more complicated and evil than you are likely aware. Again, you are not evil. But lest we forget the famous words of Elie Wiesel: “To remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all.”
    Now. On to Paolo, our MiloÅ¡ević. You call Paolo a “prodigy.” And that may be true. MiloÅ¡ević was also a “prodigy.” As were Mussolini and Hitler. And though you claim that Paolo’s genius lies in the world of fashion, I think it is far closer to MiloÅ¡ević. That is, I think they are both experts not in fashion, but in butchery and thievery.
    Questions of his sexuality aside, Paolo’s intentions are clear. His comment about your “beautiful posterior” is tantamount to a declaration of war. Similarly, MiloÅ¡ević made no secret of his similarly dark intentions for the Bosnian Muslims, saying of the Karađorđevo accord: “It is a solution which is offering to the Muslims much more than they can ever dream to take by force.” 1
    In summation, I am not blaming you and I am certainly not calling you evil, but I do feel like my brother is getting steamrolled and you are sitting silently in the passenger seat.
    AMY: Dear