Free Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Dungeons & Dragons by Shelly Mazzanoble

rug.
    â€œSunshine and laughter, love and light,” I chanted on the balcony, feeling the goodness of Pelor fill my innards and I dumped Zelda’s old litter into a plastic bag. I just might take this experiment into the weekend. Maybe another week. Who knows? Maybe I’ll never stop. And then I noticed my downstairs neighbor’s car is parked right below. Wouldn’t it be awful if I didn’t tie this plastic bag tight enough and left it on the balcony overnight? Especially terrible considering the forecast said it was going to get real breezy overnight.
    I know, I know, not the most pious move but I’m pretty sure even Pelor would think my neighbor is a prick. And I continued to bask in his sunshine and laughter as I clomped around my living room.
    I always knew religion factored into D&D to some extent, but personally I never explored it, and like the anti-Judy, allowed my ignorance to prevent my characters from subscribing to any one faith. While it’s not required that your D&D character subscribes to any particular religion or god, spirituality does exist. Like any aspect of the game, it’s what you make of it. It can actually be a fundamental part of D&D, which is ironic considering all the allegations lobbed at D&D players who were thought to have allegiances to the man down under.
    Let’s talk about those for a minute. I’ve been playing for more than half a decad e (and I think we’ve established I’m pretty easily swayed by rose quartz, psychics, a strappy pair of wedges, etc.), and so far I haven’t felt compelled to so much as squash a spider. Even the spider that decided to summer on my toothbrush. He, and the toothbrush, were gently placed outside on the balcony. (Coincidentally, so was Zelda, my cat. What she may or may not have done to the spider is between her and whatever god she reports to.)
    I don’t believe a game or a song or a passage in a book can “make” someone commit horrific acts of evil. I understand the need to look for scapegoats when something horrific happens. And of course the media loves a good “the rogue made me do it” tale, but let’s be honest: If someone is capable of committing the acts in question, he or she was probably heading down that path long before he or she picked up a twenty-sided die. D&D, like music and books, is an escape. It can provide people with a sense of solace. Control in an otherwise out of control existence. But nothing is a guaranteed cure-all. It’s just sad when something that likely provided an individual with perhaps the one sense of peace in his or her life gets blamed for making it all fall apart. And yes, I’m totally typing this from a soapbox.
    Choosing your alignment isn’t easy. Just in case you don’t have time to try various gods and goddesses on for size (and fear ending up with weird macaroni art in the process), take a short cut to enlightenment with this simple quiz.
    Vacation! You have one week to go anywhere you want. Where to?
    A.
Time to pack the hammer and tool belt! I’m building a habitat for humanity!
    B.
Anywhere! I’ll decide on the way to the airport!
    C.
Burning Man, baby!
    D.
Somewhere quiet and chill. These books aren’t going to read themselves.
    E.
On a seven-day bike tour through the Vosges Mountains! Pedal all day, sample Gewürztraminers all night.
    You feel most comfortable in
:
    A.
A cloud of patchouli and Birkenstocks (but only if I have to wear shoes).
    B.
Something trendy. I pride myself in being fashion forward.
    C.
Heavy cotton shirts, Dickies, steel-toe boots, and gloves. Protection is paramount.
    D.
A library.
    E.
Gym clothes. Never know when the urge to do a few hundred pushups will strike.
    When your dice are rolling poorly, you
:
    A.
Close your eyes and pray for some divine intervention. You’ll give up cheese and chocolate and basic cable for something with double digits!
    B.
Laugh. It’s