Free My Former Self by C. T. Musca Page A

class, but Kaitlyn doesn’t. Ms. Merrit seems to be tougher on Kaitlyn and those who aren’t as strong or as fast. My other class, History, is pretty interesting, although Mr. Prince always has coffee breath, which makes us avoid asking him any questions about the homework, even though we have several. I also don’t think he’s ever flossed his teeth. We often see remnants of his sandwiches stuck between his teeth after lunch.
    I have seen Shane a few times in the hallways, but we’ve only said hi to each other. I’m not sure if he thinks I blew him off because I didn’t call him at the end of the summer, but I hope not. We have a dance tonight at the school, and I am anticipating that he’ll be there so we can talk and hang out. We are getting ready at Susan’s house before her mom drives us to the dance. I think Kaitlyn is going to bring some rye in an empty hairspray bottle, so we can mix it with Pepsi. I am glad for that because I’ll need something to give me the courage to approach Shane.
    I am glad we’re going out tonight. I was a disappointed this morning when Jeremy called to say that he wouldn’t be coming home for Thanksgiving. Instead he has been invited to Sarah’s house in Toronto. He said he would definitely be coming home for Christmas. I can’t imagine him not being here for a holiday, and the thought totally depresses me.

    Kaitlyn, Amanda, and I are getting ready in Susan’s room. We’ve brought several different outfits and we’re figuring out which ones to wear. I’ve decided to wear one of Amanda’s sweaters, and Kaitlyn is going to crimp my hair. We talk about various things: school, our families, and, of course, boys. I sense that Susan likes Greg but she doesn’t openly admit it. I think the fact that Greg has held a candle for Amanda for so long is partly the reason. They all know I like Shane and keep reassuring me that he likes me too.
    “What about you, Kait? Who are you anxious to see tonight?” Susan asks.
    “No one really. I am just excited to dance, and I hope the music is good,” she evades the question.
    Kaitlyn would open up to Amanda or me, but she’s not very close to Susan. We continue to get ready, keeping the conversation superficial. Soon her mom knocks on the door and asks us if we’re ready to go.

    When we arrive at the school, all of the teachers are at the entrance, which we assume is to smell if anyone has been drinking. We have sprayed so much perfume, and we’re each chewing at least two pieces of gum, so alcohol should not be detected. Even though we only had two glasses of rye and Pepsi each, we feel as if we’ve had more. I think that the idea of us drinking has madeus feel buzzed, which is good if I want to approach Shane.
    A bunch of the girls dance in a circle to all of the fast songs that we know by heart—“Straight Up,” “Like a Prayer,” “Rock On,” “The Look”—and when the music switches to a slow song, like “Eternal Flame” or “Right Here Waiting,” we all move to the wall and wait to be asked to dance. I dance with a few guys, mainly friends, like Greg or Neil. When “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” comes on, I am watching Shane to see where he’ll go, anticipating that it is to me. Darren then surprises me by asking me to dance. As much as I want to say no and wait for Shane, I can’t really. Shane asks Annick, a girl in his grade, to dance, and I suddenly feel the pang of jealously in my stomach. I don’t carry on much of a conversation with Darren, although he’s trying. I see Shane look over at me, so I smile and put up my hand that’s been resting on Darren’s shoulder. God, I wish I could be dancing with him instead.
    The dance continues the way it always does, plenty of fast songs, with a few slow in between, some girls crying and going off to the bathroom, and teachers walking around the gym, making sure everyone is acting appropriately. It is nearing eleven, and we all know that it’s time for the last