Free The Silent Sounds of Chaos by Kristina Circelli

Finn.
    “Eat,” Charlie ordered, sitting back with a sly grin and glancing over at Joe. “Tell my old lady I’ll be late tonight. We got ourselves a new recruit.”
     

     
    Three hours later Finn stepped inside the dilapidated trailer, hands in the deep pockets of his leather jacket. He smelled smoke and liquor as soon as he stepped inside, saw his mother passed out on the couch, a belt secured around her calf since her arms were too useless for a high anymore.
    “Not wasting any time,” he mumbled, not at all surprised to find her in this condition and kicking himself for thinking that, maybe now, things would be different.
    Walking right past her without bothering to make sure she was even still alive, Finn stalked to his bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him before facing inside and taking in the new piece of furniture. An old crib was set up next to the bed, the paint peeling. A small whimper came from the direction of that crib. Finn looked over at where his little brother lay on an old mattress covered in a thin and tattered sheet. The baby was wide awake and, judging by the smell in the room, in need of a bath.
    His baby brother was barely old enough to open his eyes, yet already was being left to apparently care for himself. Finn couldn’t believe the hospital workers let his mother leave with an infant she clearly couldn’t care for. Then again, it wasn’t like they could pass him off to the baby’s father, seeing as how no one, not even his mother, knew just who that was. Finn wanted to hate the baby, and indeed was so embarrassed by it that he hadn’t even told Snow his mom was pregnant and did his best not to think about it, but instead he felt sorry for the baby.
    Now this little boy, too, was stuck with their mother.
    Wordlessly, Finn slid off his backpack and set it on the bed before unzipping the front pouch. He removed a wad of cash and shoved it in his jacket pockets, trying not to think of what he’d done to earn it. Though he knew deep down the packages he’d been told to deliver were full of some kind of drug, he preferred to believe he was just delivering someone’s mail. It was easier to believe than accepting he was now contributing to addictions like the ones that plagued his own mother.
    But it was worth it, he told himself, unpacking the rest of the bag. Soon his bed showed the rewards of his less-than-upstanding job: a new blanket to keep his brother warm, a box of diapers and wipes, a two-pack of onesies, jars of baby food he wasn’t sure the infant could eat yet, bottles, and a few cans of formula the clerk at the store said a new baby could drink.
    Unpeeling a banana he’d bought for himself, Finn sat down on the bed next to the crib and peered through the bars at his new little brother. He’d never seen anything so small, so helpless, so in need of protection. “Hey there. Remember me? I’m your big brother. Your mom … our mom … she’s pretty useless. No surprise there, huh? But I’m here now. And I’ll protect you.”
    It was a promise he’d made the very first time he saw the baby—to protect the child from all the horrors of their world in a way that was never done for him. Finn was never given a chance in his life; he’d make damn sure his brother got one. He’d take care of his brother so the police didn’t come back and bring that too-friendly woman who asked too many questions, so no one ever hurt him and took away all the things he loved most. He may have been embarrassed by his mother’s pregnancy, but he wouldn’t let the baby suffer for it.
    “You smell,” Finn commented dryly when the baby only stared up at him with wide eyes that matched his own. “I guess I have to clean you.”
    It was a filthy process, one he hoped he never had to do again. By the time he was done clumsily changing the baby’s diaper and cleaning up the resulting mess, Finn was exhausted and wondering why anyone would willingly want to have a baby if it meant