Free Adam's Peak by Heather Burt Page A

supposed to mean?” Adam says, his voice level.
    Rudy shuts his eyes. If he had his brother’s nerve, he’d speak up. “You know exactly what it means,” he’d say. “You know precisely where this conversation is likely to end up, and you’re going there anyway.” Instead, he listens while Adam carries on.
    â€œI don’t get it, Dad. Are you saying I’m not capable of looking after Zoë? It’s true I wasn’t right with her when the accident happened, but I was holding the turkey for Aunty. I don’t think it was any more my fault than it was yours.”
    Here it comes
, Rudy thinks. He looks at his father, whose face is now set in an expression of solemn concern.
    â€œI take full responsibility for not intercepting the child sooner, and I apologize to Susie for that.” Dad nods in Susie’s direction. “But we are talking about a handicapped child who needs to be watched at all times, and I am simply suggesting that her mother—or her father—is a better person for that role than a boy who—”
    â€œAlec!” Aunty Mary cuts him off. “Don’t spoil the lunch. You’re feeling upset about Zoë’s accident and you’re blaming everyone else. The thing is over now. Don’t think about it.”
    â€œWho what?” Adam insists.
    Rudy catches the faint sound of a skating needle. His father does-n’t answer. What could he say, really? That Zoë shouldn’t be left in the care of a young man who blows off a biology scholarship in order to take up history? That a young man who goes for long motorcycle rides with another young man shouldn’t be allowed to babysit? No. Observing the slight tremor in his father’s hands as he runs his fingers along the edge of the table, Rudy detects an uneasiness. Dad would rather call it quits, go back to small talk. But Adam doesn’t see this.
    â€œWhat’s this really about, Dad? Is it about my babysitting abilities, or the rest of my life?” When Dad fails to answer, he pressesstubbornly on. “I know you’re upset about my new plans, but I can’t change them. I know I made the right decision. Biology just wasn’t my thing. It’s not what I’m meant to do.” He pauses. “And if you’re talking about my sexual orientation, that’s not a choice. It’s like Zoë’s deafness.”
    The word
sexual
sends Aunty Mary into a panic. “Adam! Such talk! You and your father are spoiling the lunch. Look—everyone has stopped eating.”
    â€œWhat have your preferences to do with Zoë?” Dad finally says, frowning.
    Adam turns to the high chair, where Zoë is sitting with one hand wrapped in the wet cloth, the other in her mouth. “Being deaf wasn’t a choice for her,” he says, shouts almost. “She was born that way. There’s nothing she or any doctor can do about it. And lots of people in the deaf community say it’s not even a real handicap anyway. It’s the same with me. Should I spend my life trying to change things I can’t change ... that I don’t even
want
to change?”
    While Adam talks on, firing questions that Dad doesn’t answer, Rudy’s eyes dart to his sister. Her chin is puckered. Mark, plucking absently at his beard, doesn’t seem to notice. Certainly Adam doesn’t. If he did, he’d apologize, but he’s too wrapped up in his monologue. Under the table Rudy’s hand once again clenches against his thigh. Nothing has changed. Adam is still the bawling baby in the front seat. And just as it was on that car ride home from the cemetery, his voice is amplified by Dad’s brooding silence.
    Finally, Aunty takes charge. “The food is getting cold,” she says. “Adam, you talk about these things later. It’s Christmas lunch and we’re here to enjoy our meal and be kind to each other, isn’t