Free Not For Sharing (Romance with Sizzle) by Kenzi Costello

Chapter
1 – Blur
    Present Day
    “ Ethan . Ethan ,” the voice murmurs and startles me awake. As my eyes flicker
open, I realise the voice is my own, uttering my boyfriend’s name in a dream. I
instinctively reach out to the sideboard to check my mobile phone. Instead I
pick up something that feels like a large plastic key-fob. Within seconds my
mind starts to race, it’s too dark to survey my surroundings properly but I
figure I must be in a hotel. My head feels heavy from dehydration as I
frantically try to piece together the previous night’s events.
    I recall
having an almighty row with my boyfriend, Ethan, over accusations of his
supposed infidelity. Then, out of anger and frustration I had gone out with
friends with the sole intention of getting pissed on absurd amounts of liquor. This
was so out of character for me. When I was 16, my father had taken a video of
me muttering incoherently, with cider splattered through my dishevelled hair
and mascara smudged down my face. I had been so horrified by it’s ugliness that
I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol in thirteen years. Well, until now.
    I start to
have flashbacks but most of the night is still a blur. The last thing I
remember is being helped into a car by two guys wearing dark red chinos.
Actually, now I think about it, that was probably just the severe double-vision.
I do remember thinking that he seemed tall and oh so fit, with a buzz-cut
hairstyle; that was just before I passed out on the back seat. As the panic sets
in of where I am, I hear an indistinct murmur from behind me, and then a broad,
muscly arm stretches lazily over to rest on my hip. I freeze, too ashamed and
terrified to turn around.
    Oh crap! As much as I suspect Ethan has betrayed me, this is definitely not the answer!
    Although,
with my panties still on, I feel safe, strangely enough, as if they are my
shield. I imagine that if I was in any danger, I would have been exposed to it
by now.
    Now this is a first. Until now I’ve never had a one night stand; Ethan has been my only
lover. Let’s see what all my friends would make of this – maybe now they will
drop their affectionate but patronising “Prissy Pru” nickname for me.
    I can’t
believe, that for a split second, I feel quite proud of losing my conservative
status. Almost immediately feelings of guilt set in as my thoughts turn back to
Ethan. A jealousy swells inside me as I imagine the undoubted female attention
that he would have got last night dressed in naval uniform for his friend
Jonah’s, stag night.
    I still love
Ethan madly but just recently I was seeing less and less of him and when I did,
he seemed too tired to get frisky. What was more cause for concern was that he
had even rejected my advances. Ethan refuse sex? Anyone that knew Ethan would
say that this was as likely as him turning down one of his mum’s famous Sunday
roasts – unheard of! How much longer would I have to rely on my vibrating toysfor enjoyment? It was a standing joke with my
best friend that if I wanted an orgasm, I’d have to buy batteries first.
    There always
seems to be other distractions in his life, his work, his family, his friends,
or so he says, and now I was beginning to feel like a little-girl-lost,
vying for his attention. I dreaded life without him but my nightmare was
becoming more real each day.
    If he ever
found out about my misdeed, there would be one of two outcomes; it would be the
nail in the coffin of our shaky relationship and an excuse for him to escape
from it, or, it would shock him into realising he didn’t want to lose me.
    In all
honesty, I couldn’t risk this getting out, for the health and safety of the unwitting
man lying beside me more than anything. I was well aware that Ethan had a dangerous
side. I’d never witnessed it personally because most of his misdemeanours had
been carried out as a juvenile delinquent. (His reason for never running from a
fight in his youth was that his tattered trainers might fall