Free The Best of Archy and Mehitabel by Don Marquis Page A

little automobile
    picking up news for you
    a clock work one would do
    with a chauffeur to keep it
    wound up for me
    and a lightning bug to
    sit in front and be
    the headlight on dark nights
    i hate to mention food boss
    it seems so sordid
    and plebeian but i no longer
    find any left over crusts
    of sandwiches in your
    waste paper basket i am
    forced to haunt the
    restaurants and hotels for food
    and this is at the
    imminent risk of my life
    unless i get these things
    i will quit you on
    november first is not the
    laborer worthy of his hire
    yours for economic justice
    and a living wage
    archy

takes talent
    there are two
    kinds of human
    beings in the world
    so my observation
    has told me
    namely and to wit
    as follows
    firstly
    those who
    even though they
    were to reveal
    the secret of the universe
    to you would fail
    to impress you
    with any sense
    of the importance
    of the news
    and secondly
    those who could
    communicate to you
    that they had
    just purchased
    ten cents worth
    of paper napkins
    and make you
    thrill and vibrate
    with the intelligence
    archy

    and found all too late

comforting thoughts
    a fish who had
    swallowed an angle worm
    found all too late
    that a hook was nesting
    in its midst ah me
    said the poor fish
    i am the most luckless
    creature in the world
    had you not pointed
    that out said the worm
    i might have supposed
    myself a trifle
    unfortunate
    cheer up you two said
    the fisherman jovially
    the first two minutes
    of that hook are always
    the worst you must
    cultivate a philosophic
    state of mind
    boss there is always
    a comforting thought
    in time of trouble when
    it is not our trouble
    archy

inspiration
    excuse me if my
    writing is out of alignment i
    fell into a bowl of
    egg nog the other
    day at the restaurant down
    the street which the doctor
    says he is glad to
    hear you are keeping away
    from and when i
    emerged i was full of happy
    inspirations alas they
    vanished ere the break of
    day i am sure they
    were the most brilliant and
    witty things that ever
    emanated from the mind of
    man or cockroach or poet i
    sat inside a mince pie
    and laughed and laughed at
    them myself the world seemed all
    one golden glory boss
    i came up the
    street to get all this
    wonderful stuff onto paper for
    you but when i tried to
    operate the typewriter
    my foot would slip and
    by the time i had control
    of the machine again
    the thoughts had gone
    forever it is the
    tragedy of the artist
    archy

a close call
    thank you boss for the
    swiss cheese i hardly hoped
    for a whole one i
    took up quarters in it at once
    the little galleries and caves and
    runways appealed to
    my sense of adventure after
    i had made a square
    meal i lay down in the inner
    chamber for a nap feeling
    safe i had hardly composed my limbs
    for slumber when i heard
    a gnawing sound and squeaks
    of glee cautiously i
    approached the north gallery a mouse
    was there i hastily
    retreated thinking i would make
    my escape by way of one of the
    windows on the south facade another
    mouse was there the citadel
    in short was attacked on all sides mice
    mice mice coming nearer and nearer
    their cold blooded squeaks and the champing
    of their cruel teeth made the night
    hideous minute after minute i lay
    in the stokehold
    until the slow minutes grew into
    intolerable hours of agony great drops
    of perspiration broke through the callus
    on my brow i prayed for
    dawn or the night watchman suddenly
    into my retreat protruded a whisker it
    was so near it tickled me closer and
    closer it came it twitched i knew
    that it had felt me a moment more and
    all would be over just as
    i prepared myself for another
    transmigration mehitabel the cat
    bounded into the room and i was saved
    if you get me another cheese please
    put a wire cage over it
    archy

immorality
    i was up to central
    park yesterday watching some
    kids build a snow man when
    they were done and had
    gone away i looked it
    over they had used two
    little chunks of wood for
    the eyes i sat on one
    of these