Free The Best of Archy and Mehitabel by Don Marquis Page B

and stared at
    the bystanders along came a
    prudish looking
    lady from flatbush she
    stopped and regarded the
    snow man i stood
    up on my hind legs in
    the eye socket and
    waved myself at her
    horrors she cried even the
    snow men in manhattan
    are immoral officer arrest
    that statue it winked
    at me madam said the cop
    accept the tribute
    as a christmas present
    and be happy my own
    belief is that some
    people have immorality
    on the brain
    archy

archy reports
    ive got just one
    resolution for this year boss
    and here it is
    better stuff and more rhymes
    what have i got to look
    forward to otherwise if
    a vers libre poet is
    reincarnated into
    a cockroach what will
    a vers libre cockroach
    be reincarnated into i
    ask you
    i don t want to be
    a amoeba next time do i
    i sing the glad noo year
    thats tending toward the norm
    my song is one of cheer
    im going to reform
    see
    archy

the demon rum
    well boss on these
    rainy days i wish i was
    web footed like a jersey mosquito no
    one has yet invented
    an umbrella for cockroaches i was

    pulled a piece of cheese rind over my head
    over across the street
    to the barroom you used to
    frequent before you reformed today
    and it was raining outside i
    pulled a piece of cheese
    rind over my head to
    protect me from the weather and
    started for the door as i
    passed by one of the booths a man
    who was sitting in it said to
    his companion please call a
    taxi for me where do you want to go
    said his companion i am
    bad again said the man i want to
    go to some place where they
    treat nervous diseases
    at once you look all right
    said his companion i may look all
    right said he but i don t see
    all right i just saw a piece
    of cheese rind crawling along the
    floor and as i passed by i
    said to myself beware the demon rum
    it gives your brain a quirk
    it puts you on the bum
    and gives the doctors work
    archy

ancient lineage
    professor slosson
    says that the cockroach
    is one of the eldest of the
    creatures that inhabit
    the globe
    two hundred and fifty
    millions of years
    ago the cockroach
    existed just as he exists
    today of course it is
    very flattering
    to have this scientific
    testimony to my ancient
    lineage i can trace my
    ancestry back without
    a break to old adam cockroach
    himself but the real question is
    how much has the cockroach
    learned in two hundred and
    fifty million of years
    well i can tell you
    in a few brief words
    the cockroach has learned
    how to make man
    the so called lord
    of creation work for him
    the cockroach lives
    in peace and plenty
    while the human race
    hustles to support him
    all the social institutions
    of all time have existed
    merely for the purpose
    of forming a pyramid
    on the apex of which
    perches the cockroach triumphant
    it has taken us a long
    time but we point
    with pride to the achievement
    if you don t believe me
    read professor slosson s
    article
    archy

the artist
    i called on some friends in a
    studio building the other evening and
    while we were foraging about
    for something to eat
    we got caught on a
    palette smeared over with all
    the colors there are
    leaping from this danger seven
    or eight of us
    landed upon an untouched canvas
    that stood upon an easel
    nearby waiting for the masters hand
    and we walked across the
    canvas on our way out of that
    place it seems that we builded
    better than we knew before
    we could get to any safer place
    than a spot behind a
    gas radiator we heard human footsteps
    approaching and an
    instant later two men entered the
    studio one of them switched on
    the lights and the
    other gave an exclamation of
    pleasure and astonishment by jove
    tommy he said to the owner of
    the studio what is this new thing
    of yours on the easel it is
    the best thing you have done yet
    i thought you were against
    modernism and all
    the new fangled stuff but i see
    that you have come over to the new
    school your style has
    loosened up wonderfully old kid
    i always said that if you
    could only get away from the stiffness
    and