Free The Suicide Diary by Kirsten Rees Page A

wouldn't like that. I had purposely sat between two girls but a few guys had come and joined the group once the singing started. I was just caught up in the moment but he knew I only had eyes for him.
    I tried to turn my body towards him to reflect this but I found myself wincing in pain. He didn't seem to notice, but took my movement towards him as a sign that things were okay between us again. He leaned in to me until we were laid on the bed and he swept my hair out of my face. He was kissing me, slowly at first and then more intensely, all over my face and down my neck. Suddenly his body moved over mine and I couldn't stop the cry that left my lips.
    "Chris stop, please, you're hurting me." I pleaded.
    He hushed me quietly but I couldn't let him continue trying to kiss away the bruises.
    It didn't feel right, not this time.
    “No, stop, please” This time with more force in my voice.
    I was shocked now at the tears choking out and spilling down the sides of my face. All of a sudden light spilled into the room from the hallway and I heard a familiar voice.

 
Anthony
     
       "Hey, I was in the bathroom and I heard a crash?" said the silhouette.
    Anthony must have flicked the light on then as I jerked my head quickly and scrunched up my eyes against the strong light. When I opened them again, I registered the look on his face and then just as quickly I looked away. I wasn't sure if I was trying to hide the shame or just spare him the shock. But I may as well have spared myself the pain of moving. I obviously looked about as good as I felt.
    "Chris, what the fuck have you done?!" said Anthony.
    He moved quickly to my side and looked at me anxiously. Even out of the corner of my eye, I could see the horror on his face.
    "I'm taking you home." he said.
    It wasn't even a question and by the expression on his face it didn't look like I was getting the option. I heard Chris protesting but I didn't bother to listen to what was said between them until I felt myself being pulled up from the bed. Their voices became raised and heated. Chris wasn’t going to let me go. Normally I would have been delighted at this as I’d lived on edge all this time just waiting for the day he would leave me.
    Anthony let me sit back on the end of the bed while he and Chris shouted at each other over my head. When I heard a thud like the sound of bones cracking together and I turned just in time to see Chris knocked to the floor and blood starting to pour from his nose. Anthony had hit his best friend in the face and it was only then that I realised what had happened to me.
    It’s not always easy to tell the difference between a madman and a cruel one but I expect it rarely matters to the ones who end up bleeding. Until more recently I’d thought I deserved it, that my behaviour had brought on Chris’s actions. It took a long time for me to accept no matter how pathetic you feel, no one deserves to be treated like that. I’d even secretly like to think that if I could go back in time it would have been me instead of Anthony who threw that punch.
    While Chris lay on the floor with his hand cupping his bloody nose, Anthony carefully wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me against his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes for a second. However, when I opened them again I was sat in the passenger seat of his car.
    "It's okay, you're safe". Anthony spoke gently but his eyes were searching.
    What made him say such a thing, why wouldn't I be safe? We were in his car, parked badly at the side of a road I didn’t recognise and I couldn't quite work out how I’d come to be there.
    "I carried you out..." he paused and then looked up at me, while I continued staring out the windscreen.
    "Did he....” Creases formed on his forehead and his breathing became fast and shallow. “Has he done this before? I mean it's not the first time I’ve seen you with bruises but you always had a reason and you are known for being a